Humor & awkward moments by Zero Dean based on weird thoughts & real-life experiences often presented in webcomic format.
The problem with the expression “Strangers are simply friends you haven’t met yet” is that my friends probably wouldn’t mind — quite so much — when I playfully whip their butts with my towel when I walk behind them at the gym.
Who knew that big guys could run that fast!? ;)
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Originally published on: Aug 23, 2013 @ 10:57
Optimizing brain.
This may take several days.
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Originally published on: Feb 20, 2014 @ 15:51
You have to use your imagination, but I’m on the right in this picture.
No. Wait.
I’m on the left.
I mean to the left of the person on the right, but to the right of the person on the left.
The rest is up to you.
Like I said, you have to use your imagination.
Originally published on: Jun 26, 2014 @ 21:49
How come when I do something ridiculous, I almost always have an audience…
But when I do something awesome, there are never any witnesses to my awesomeness… Even in a crowded gym.
Kick flipping that yoga ball onto the rack just now was awesome.
Audience = 0.
Literally.
I believe there has to be some kind of universal law dictating that the size of your viewing audience is inversely proportional to the degree to which your action was awesome.
Originally published on: Sep 28, 2012 @ 09:46
Silly mirror. I’m better looking than that.
Originally published on: Aug 3, 2013 @ 10:12
That awkward moment you read the warning label on a bottle of vitamins and it says, “Do not take if you are pregnant or may become pregnant.”
And you’re like, well, it’s highly unlikely I’ll become pregnant, but I don’t want to rule out the possibility of spontaneous male pregnancy entirely.
Also shouldn’t take while breastfeeding.
Dammit.
This bottle of vitamins should come with a buzz kill warning.
Originally published on: Jun 16, 2014 @ 20:12
What I really need to do is find myself a brand new lover.
… But I’ll settle for a slightly used one.
As long as she still runs well, gets good mileage, and isn’t going to raise my insurance premiums.
RE: Dead Or Alive – Brand New Lover (video)
Originally published on: Oct 29, 2014 @ 09:50
That awkward moment you walk out to your car in the parking lot and discover you accidentally left it unlocked.
When that happens, I like to pretend that I did it on purpose and was really just testing people.
Nothing stolen?
Good job, humans! You pass!
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Originally published on: Nov 29, 2014 @ 18:20
In cafe. a Group of retirees sitting at a table next to mine. a Small child & Mom walk by and get the attention of the group. They all chitchat for minute. The child is a burst of sunshine.
Then they all say good-bye…
As the child is walking away, he turns and says:
“Wait! There’s one more thing I want to say to you!”
“What is that?”
“There’s a Sponge Bob shirt.”
And then he walked away like a kid who just shared the answer to life.
Originally published on: Mar 19, 2011 @ 09:47
“Google is your friend.”
Well sure. Up Until their robots and self-driving cars become sentient and try to take over the world. Then we’re all toast!
Now, I’m not saying I’m not looking forward to the apocalypse, but I am saying I’ve seen The Terminator. I know how this story goes.
*I’m cool with the robot apocalypse as long as I can still google “how to survive the robot apocalypse” when it happens.
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Originally published on: Nov 24, 2014 @ 15:17