Dear parallel universe # 1,005,004,056

"Nitro Blend"
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Dear parallel universe #1,005,004,056,

When it’s finally my turn to design version 2 of the human body, let it be known that “sweat control” will be on the list of body modifications.

Simply put, I want to control from where I sweat and how much I sweat.

To put it frankly, I think this whole butt sweat thing is unnecessary.

And while we’re discussing it, maybe we’ll do away with sweating altogether and just go the dog route.

Maybe the reason dogs are so happy all the time is they they’re not subject to looking like they wet their shorts after sitting in a pleather chair.

Panting, baby. It’s where it’s at.

Roof! Roof!

*Today I learned that dogs actually do sweat (from their nose and paws), but not for thermoregulation.