How to Cook a Turkey

Cotton swabs


Today’s cooking advice is brought to you by electricity.

How to Cook a Turkey by Zero Dean:

  1. Put turkey in oven
  2. Cook turkey until it’s done.
  3. Take turkey out of oven.

This cooking shit is easy.

Read the comments on Facebook

From the comments:

Jeannie: Not even going to stuff it or put tinfoil over it or baste it huh? Congratulations, you just made Turkey Leather.

Zero: I didn’t say NOT to put tinfoil over it! I can’t spell out everything for everyone. You gotta figure out some stuff on your own.

Otherwise my cooking advice would start with:

  1. Wake up.
  2. Get up.
  3. Put some clothes on.

  1. Put turkey in oven
  2. You baste that turkey, you baste it good!

Jeannie: *Crosses off #3. *Apron only. More fun.

Zero: Nice. I like the way you think.

  1. Put apron on.

Not only is that more efficient than what I had, it also cuts down on laundry.