Stupid stuff
Winging it


7:29 PM

That awkward moment I think I should tell you I’ve been drinking.

Not a lot, mind you.

And it was just water.

But still. I feel it’s important that you know and appreciate how hydrated I am.

Hydrated. It’s the new humble.

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7:32 PM

There’s a pretty good chance that I’m more hydrated than you are.

Unless you hydrate yourself professionally.

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7:35 PM

I’m so hydrated, when fish see me, they wonder if we’re related.

And then I joke with them and say, yes, we are related.

And then I get invited to fish parties where half the fish forget who I am every time they turn around.

Because they have really short term memories.

So I have to keep introducing myself.

Fish parties aren’t that much fun, actually.

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7:41 PM

When people ask me how hydrated I am, I like to blow their minds by saying, “About an 8.”

And then I just walk away.

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7:44 PM

I’m so hydrated that sometimes I sweat liquid. Like when it’s hot.

Or I’m sitting on a *fake leather seat cushion.

*Genuine imitation leather. Excuse me.

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9:03 PM

In all seriousness, let my posts about hydration be a reminder that most people don’t drink nearly enough water every day.

Coffee, alcoholic beverages, energy drinks, carbonated beverages, and pretty much anything that isn’t _just_ water doesn’t count (so much).

So drink up and hydrate, yo.

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