The cafe mug


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In cafe.

Go up to the cafe counter to purchase coffee. The cashier hands me a mug. The general manager sees it and goes, “A mug? You never use a mug!”

“I know. I forgot my travel mug in my car.”

Manager turns to the cashier, “Just give it to him.”

“Hey, I can just go get my mug.”

“No, no. I want to see what happens.”

And I’m thinking, “What’s going to happen?” O_o

Well, I’ll tell you what happens…

I’m going to drink complimentary coffee out of the mug they gave me… and make all my dreams come true. And maybe go up for a second or third cup when I’m finished.

And hope nothing too crazy happens.

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The math problem

That awkward moment when the manager ringing up your lunch order says,

“There’s a math problem on your receipt. Look for it.”

Some say, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”, but I’m here to tell you that they don’t know what they’re talking about.


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Discount groceries

That awkward moment at Frazier Farms when you’re chatting with the cashier who’s ringing up your order and she suddenly stops and says, laughing, “Oh my god! I just gave you an employee discount!”

And the other employees, including the on-duty manager, just look over and smile.

Yup. They know of me here, I think. Not what I do. Just my reputation for being funny & friendly.

At least I hope it’s that and not actually the fact I shop here so much. ;)


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And it's dishwasher safe

Walk up to cafe counter.

One of the managers greets me, “What’ll it be today, Zero?”

“Coffee, please.” I say, putting my travel mug down so I can pull my credit card out of my wallet.

Manager grabs my mug and makes a show of spinning it around and analyzing it from all angles, then hands it back to me. “Looks good to me. We’re all good here.”

“Ah, we’re good. Thank you.”

He smiles and proceeds to help the next customer.

And then I walk away like a guy with a vessel approved by the powers-that-be for consumption of coffee.

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Alter ego indentification

Walk into cafe.

One of the managers behind the register sees me enter and shouts my name, “Zero!”

I put my laptop bag down and wave. He continues… “Mild mannered cafe lurker by day… Superhero by night.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” I say as I approach the registers.

“You probably are a Superhero. In any case, you’re my favorite Zero… well, other than the one at the end of my paycheck.”

I laugh.

And since he’s actually helping another customer throughout this exchange, the other cashier greets me, “Hey, what can I get you?”

“Coffee, please,” I say, waving my travel mug.
“Is that it?”
“You’re good, man. Go ahead.”

And then I walked away like a guy with the impression that they’re kinda maybe ok with me at this establishment.

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Spreading fun

Walk up to cafe counter.

Manager greets me, “Zero! What can I get you?”
“I would like 20 butters…”
He laughs, “Ok. 20 butters!” *he hands me the container that holds ALL the butter packets. There are at least 20 in there.* “Anything else?”
“And a coffee, please.” I say as I hand him my rewards card.
*He swipes it*
“You have no rewards today.”
*I hand him my credit card. He swipes it and hands it back to me*
“Do you feel better than I swiped your card?”
“Always!” … and then I realize he swiped it, but didn’t process the transaction.
“Enjoy your coffee.”
Laughing, “Thank you!”

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