Dental adventures (part 3)

3:22 PM

Firs pos afer ooh exracion.

Feel like I’m missing somehing.

No sure wha.

From the comments:

Melinda: Tease. (I crack myself up.)

Zero: You have such a sharp mind.

Melinda: Ah yes, my biting wit. *collapses giggling*

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3:41 PM

Well, the good news is that I can stop dreading having a tooth extracted.

And the bad news is that they have temporarily completely neutralized my right dimple.

How am I supposed to work my charms with only one dimple?


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3:46 PM

I just communicated with a pharmacist (to get antibiotics & pain killer) without saying a word.

I feel like if I was ever to take a vow of silence, now might be a good time.

Heck, I’m already 20 minutes into it. Let’s see how long I can go…

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3:52 PM

Not sure if my new vow of silence will hurt or help my pick up lines at the gym.


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4:31 PM

I’ve read online dating profiles where women specify that their potential matches must have all their teeth.

It never actually concerned me until now.


I should’ve asked the doctor to let me keep my molar (so I could slide by on a technicality).

“Yeah, yeah, baby. I have all my teeth. Here’s one I like to keep in my pocket.”

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4:54 PM

“I can’t help but notice you’re missing a molar.”
“Yeah, that’s my G.S.”
“Your what?”
“It’s where I like to keep my gum. My G.S. — my gum slot. It’s like a functional body enhancement. You know — storage.”

This is how I picture future conversations with potential mates going.

(I’d like to think the woman who finally gets me will tolerate my eccentricities)

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5:27 PM

I’m going to leave a note under my pillow tonight requesting that the Tooth Fairy leave a receipt.

Tax deductible income for the win!

*May also ask if she’s single.

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Dental adventures (part 2.5)

1:54 PM

I may have failed to mention my dentist appointment coming up in 5 minutes.

But I feel it’s vital to tell you, because of my ongoing dental adventures (which I’m sure are a source of great joy for all of you – as they are for me) .

Today the dentist is going to take a mold of my teeth.

And the first thing I’m going to do when he shows me the mold, is break it and make him do it again.

Because it’s what I do.

Break molds.

Next up: Breads and cheeses!

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2:14 PM

Walk into the dentist’s office. The voice of angels (the office manager) sees me, waves, and gives me a funny look. But she’s helping someone else.

When they wrap up what they’re talking about, she offers him some water while he waits. She asks if I’d like some, too.

“Sure. Let’s do it!”

She comes back with water, and then, smiling…

“Zero! What are you doing here?”
“I don’t have an appointment today?” O_o

She sits and looks at her monitor, “I. Don’t. Think. So.”

“Well, I could swear I have an appointment on a Tuesday one of these days.”

“Let’s see. I have you down for a cleaning on a Tuesday in… August.”
“Did I time travel?”

“My appointment is tomorrow isn’t it? ”

Looking at her monitor, “Ummm. Yeaaaaah”, she says.

I nod, “Yeeeeeah.”

“I feel bad you drove an hour to get here.”
“Oh, don’t feel bad. Life is an adventure.”

“Would you like me to write your appointments down?”
“Yeah. Let’s do that. That sounds like a good idea.”

I take the slip of paper, “See? This is what I came for…” backing towards the door, “And the water. Thank you.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“It’s always a pleasure. See you tomorrow.”

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"As needed"

I was wondering why the doctor prescribed me high-dose ibuprofen yesterday to take “Every 4-6 hours as needed” when I wasn’t in any pain.

Next morning…

Oh. O_O

I’ve flossed every day since my first dentist appointment a couple weeks ago. But I’m not going to today. And I only brushed my teeth for 60 seconds instead of a full 2 minutes – out of protest.

It might be different if I took my meds, but they have to wait until after I workout.

Funny thing is, I might *not even need them then (endorphins).

Let’s find out, shall we?

*Ok. I do. I do.

Good call, doctor. Good call.

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Well that's different


Well. Something has clearly changed since my dentist appointment.

I ate a banana, an avocado, a bag of popchips, and got midway through a box of ice-cream sandwiches before I lost interest.

That’s never happened before.


I’m not even sure I’m hungry.

Did I enter a parallel universe? O_o

*checks mirror*

Nope. No facial hair. I’m not evil Zero.

Good Spock. Evil Spock.

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* Star Trek: Mirror, Mirror

Win win

6:22 PM

Doctor says I gotta take antibiotics.

But it’s cool, cause I’m gonna drink some probiotics to balance things out.

Or create a wormhole.

I see it as a win either way.

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7:32 PM


Antibiotics + probiotics.
Attempt #1.
No wormhole yet.
Still hopeful.

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Dental adventures (part 2)

10:47 AM

I just plucked some nose hair —

because I have 2 root canals scheduled in just under 3 hours and if the person performing the procedure is going to judge me, I don’t want it to be for unruly nose hair.

Now please hold while I cover my teeth with whiteout.

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10:55 AM

The last time I had work done on a tooth, it went like this…

“Ok. You’re going to feel a bit of a pinch and then the pain is going to go away.”
“Ok… ow!”

“Ok. You shouldn’t feel anything now. Do you feel this?”
“Ow! Yess.”

“Alright. We’ll give you a little more. Do you feel this?”
“Oww! Yesh.”

“Hmmmm. You appear resistant to novocaine. Do you feel this?”
“Yesshh. Ow!”

… 4 hours later …

“Ok, do you feel this?”
“Ow! Yesshhh!”

So, you can tell I’m really looking forward to today.


But seriously, it’s a new experience. I actually do look forward to it. And also, chewing comfortably on either side of my mouth.

If that happens, I’ll be as pleased as the Kool-aid man.


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12:11 PM

Dentist from last night’s call:

“So yeah. We have you scheduled for 1:30. We should be able to get you right in, so if you could show up 5 to 10 minutes early, that would be great.”

Shows up 80 minutes early.


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4:22 PM

I lived.

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4:31 PM

Turns out I am still *surprisingly* resistant to novocaine…

It also turns out that the conversation I posted with my dentist from 20 years ago is *surprisingly* accurate for today’s shenanigans, too.


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4:35 PM

Not only did I get 2 root canal procedures, I also get an upcoming tooth extraction thrown in for good measure!

*The tooth I broke 5 years ago (which was one of the teeth I had worked on today) doesn’t have enough integrity to hold up to long term use.

In summary, he’s an evil lazy bastard and he has to go.

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4:41 PM

After a number of x-rays today, I had to ask…

“Are these x-rays going to make me a mutant?”
“No. There really isn’t much radiation at all.”
“That’s disappointing. I was hoping for superpowers.”

She laughed.

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Loose filter

I think I’m turning into the old man version of myself ahead of schedule.

Not in the sense that I feel old, but in the sense that the filter that usually dictates what I say or don’t say is getting a bit loose.

My dentist called me this evening to remind me of my root canal appointment tomorrow. He asked if I had any questions or concerns.

I asked him about eating prior to the procedure.

He told me to eat a good breakfast, but perhaps take it easy on lunch (my appointment is scheduled for 1:30pm), since I’ll be sitting still for a couple hours with things stuck in my mouth.

So I told him I’d be sure to load up on refried beans and cabbage.

He laughed.

And then he told me that I probably shouldn’t do that.

But I could tell from his voice, what he really meant was, that if I did that, he’d kill me.

It was worth the laugh though.

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