Dental adventures

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Oh mother of fuck I need a dentist.

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Dental Adventures starring Zero Dean. Coming soon.

If the love of my life is a dental assistant, this will be perfect.

If her name is Jack, she has a mustache, and she can bench press more than I can, not so much.

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If I play my cards right with this upcoming dental work, I’ll be putting myself directly in line with becoming the next Bond villain.



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I called a supposedly reputable local dentist’s office and got put through to voicemail.

One of the options was, “If this is a dental emergency, call…”.

Well, it wasn’t an emergency then, but I called over an hour ago and they still haven’t called me back. O_o

Probably because they are known for treating their clients like rockstars. Which, if you do so, means ignoring calls. Am I right?


I can *make* it an emergency if that’s what it takes to get a call back. Nothing a little personal dental work with a pair of pliers can’t fix.

Although, perhaps it *is* an emergency and I just have a high tolerance for discomfort?

I mean, I *do* find the fact that I cannot eat any solids comfortably rather troubling, but not really an “emergency” just yet…

I mean, not when there is the whole world of nutritious liquid products to explore.

Mmmmm. *Soup!

*Heated liquids uncertain. I’m going to go get coffee. We’ll see what happens.

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Called another dentist’s office (an hour away). Got right through.

“Can I ask how you heard about us?”
“Well, I looked up ‘best dentists in southern California’ and you guys came up.”
“Oh, that’s good.”, she laughs, “I totally believe it!”

She sounded like she meant it.

Of course, she had the voice of an angel, so she could’ve said, “We’re going to stick you with needles and make you cry.” and I wouldn’t have minded.

Perfect person to answer the phone at a dentist’s office.


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