Dental adventures (part 2)

10:47 AM

I just plucked some nose hair —

because I have 2 root canals scheduled in just under 3 hours and if the person performing the procedure is going to judge me, I don’t want it to be for unruly nose hair.

Now please hold while I cover my teeth with whiteout.

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10:55 AM

The last time I had work done on a tooth, it went like this…

“Ok. You’re going to feel a bit of a pinch and then the pain is going to go away.”
“Ok… ow!”

“Ok. You shouldn’t feel anything now. Do you feel this?”
“Ow! Yess.”

“Alright. We’ll give you a little more. Do you feel this?”
“Oww! Yesh.”

“Hmmmm. You appear resistant to novocaine. Do you feel this?”
“Yesshh. Ow!”

… 4 hours later …

“Ok, do you feel this?”
“Ow! Yesshhh!”

So, you can tell I’m really looking forward to today.


But seriously, it’s a new experience. I actually do look forward to it. And also, chewing comfortably on either side of my mouth.

If that happens, I’ll be as pleased as the Kool-aid man.


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12:11 PM

Dentist from last night’s call:

“So yeah. We have you scheduled for 1:30. We should be able to get you right in, so if you could show up 5 to 10 minutes early, that would be great.”

Shows up 80 minutes early.


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4:22 PM

I lived.

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4:31 PM

Turns out I am still *surprisingly* resistant to novocaine…

It also turns out that the conversation I posted with my dentist from 20 years ago is *surprisingly* accurate for today’s shenanigans, too.


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4:35 PM

Not only did I get 2 root canal procedures, I also get an upcoming tooth extraction thrown in for good measure!

*The tooth I broke 5 years ago (which was one of the teeth I had worked on today) doesn’t have enough integrity to hold up to long term use.

In summary, he’s an evil lazy bastard and he has to go.

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4:41 PM

After a number of x-rays today, I had to ask…

“Are these x-rays going to make me a mutant?”
“No. There really isn’t much radiation at all.”
“That’s disappointing. I was hoping for superpowers.”

She laughed.

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The Lock Chopper


That awkward moment you discover that the secondary keyring chain that you used to keep your plastic membership cards on — that you lost 2 months ago — had one key on it (which you had forgotten about).

And that one key went to the lock on your storage unit.

And so you learn it costs about $55 to cut one of those locks off…

Looks like I gotta call The Lock Chopper.

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On the phone with the Lock Chopper

“So how much would it be?”

“Normally it’s $55, but I think they like me to charge $50 over there.”

“Ok, well I’m outside of Lowe’s. Lemme just see how much it would cost to rent something to get my lock off and if it’s not much difference, I’ll call you right back.”

“Ok. But I know a guy who did that. Got his lock off fine. The hard part is not damaging the door. If you damage the door, it’s $700.”

“$50 sounds good. Let’s do this.”

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That awkward awesome moment when the older lady behind the desk in the storage facility where you have a storage unit offers you a brand new lock to replace the one you’re about to have cut off because you lost the key and your self-deprecating humor amuses her.

And maybe your smile.

And you are wearing a blue shirt.

And I just got done working out.

And I smell good today.

“Here, I’ll give you this new lock, but mum’s the word.”

Yup. Mum’s the word.

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Walking over to my storage unit…

“How long do you think this will take you?”

“Oh, about 30 seconds.”


“Yeah, the taking calls and driving around is what takes the longest.”

Nice guy.

When he finished (in 30 seconds) we talked about how he got into this, how much he works, etc. Interesting stuff.

He seemed genuinely surprised when I tipped him $5 because he was such a pleasure.

If you ever need a lock chopped in Las Vegas, I recommend the Lock Chopper.


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My birthday adventure with Bill Dollar

ATTENTION: This page has now found a permanent home on the official Toyscapades site.

NOTE: The following “adventure” played out over the course of a few hours — with those who were following along wondering what would happen next and being surprised with each photo. While it is still enjoyable presented all at once like this, it does lose a bit of the “adventure” aspect.

2:22 PM

Decided to go for a walk on my birthday with Bill Dollar. We came across some train tracks.

Bill tells me he’s always afraid of walking along train tracks because he fears he might twist an ankle.

I told Bill Dollar that he should probably be more concerned about oncoming trains.


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2:58 PM

As we walk along…

Bill Dollar thinks he heard something in the bushes.

I didn’t hear anything…


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3:11 PM

Turns out Bill Dollar was right! There was something in the bushes!!! O_O


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3:21 PM

Bill Dollar thinks this is a good hiding place.


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3:28 PM

Bill Dollar is wrong. This is not a good hiding place, Bill. This is a very, very bad hiding place.


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3:36 PM

Bill Dollar thinks we should do more cardio…


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3:52 PM

Even while being chased by a T-Rex, Bill Dollar makes a good case for being the Lego version of ridiculously photogenic guy


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3:57 PM

Bill Dollar asks if the T-Rex is still chasing us.

Yes, Bill. He is still very much chasing us.


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4:08 PM

Bill Dollar thinks we are incredibly fortunate that T-Rexes don’t know how to use stairs.

I just think it’s an incredibly convenient plot device.



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4:46 PM

It turns out T-Rexes have no problem navigating stairs after all, Bill Dollar!


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4:52 PM

I asked Bill Dollar why he is always smiling. Bill says he just loves life. Every moment. Even moments where he is being chased down the beach by a Tyrannosaurus Rex.




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5:46 PM

The End.



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See also:


Q: Who is Bill Dollar?
A: Bill Dollar is Bill Dollar. It has been noted, however, that he strikes an uncanny resemblance to a Lego minifigure in the upcoming Lego Movie. But that’s not Bill Dollar. That’s some other dude who looks like Bill Dollar.

Q: What did you take the photos with?
A: A Samsung Galaxy S3. I think my real camera would be overkill for now.

Q: Are we going to see more adventures with Bill Dollar?
A: I hope so. This was silly fun to do and I’d love to expand this concept even further. Way further.

Q: How did you develop the story?
A: I had Bill Dollar with me. And a dinosaur. I simply made it up as I went along — dramatic pause — through the amazing power of imagination!


Catalytic converter theft attempt saga

8:46 AM

Dear guy with the portable electric saw –

Very clever crawling under my 4Runner and attempting to steal my catalytic converter.

Too bad you were so quick I couldn’t stop you before you were already through one side of my muffler and mostly through the other.

Also too bad that my door didn’t hit you in the head when I swung it open.

Welp, I always wondered what my car would sound like as a motorcycle.

Good times.


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* Yes, I was actually inside at the time. How fast was this guy? FAST.

Although, admittedly, I did spend 5-10 seconds wondering what the hell that noise was.

There was a utility pickup that had pulled up directly behind me in the parking lot. It just looked like a typical work truck, so I thought it was just a couple workers making a quick fix to something that I couldn’t see.

I didn’t actually think the guy was sawing through my muffler until I looked out the window and saw his feet hanging out from under my car. O_O

Why didn’t he see me? Because I have limousine tinted windows.

By the time I moved to get the door open, he must have sensed I was inside. He pulled himself out of range just before my door swung passed his head and he shouted “Whoa!” and ran to his pickup.

I chased him (barefoot), but it was only like 12 feet to his vehicle and once he got inside, there was nothing I could do. I pounded on his window and made angry man shouting noises before he and his partner hauled ass out of there.

8:49 AM

Hmmmm… Worse than I thought…


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9:44 AM

Officer said it was the 4th one today. O_O


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10:17 AM

OMG. One can not imagine the sheer sense of power I feel while driving around with a busted muffler.

My baby is a total badass and I didn’t even know it.

Catalytic converter thieves? More like Pimp My Ride buddies.

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1:07 PM

Hey, so that’s where my spare tire is. ;)


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1:15 PM

I showed up at the second highest rated muffler shop in the area unannounced (an hour from where the theft attempt occurred) and was greeted by the owner in less than 10 seconds.

He had my car on the lift within a minute of hearing my story.

“Some guys tried to steal my catalytic converter this morning…”
“We’ll have a look. Drive it into bay 1.”

And before I could finish typing this status update on Facebook, the shop had my muffler repaired.


I gave the mechanic a $20 and told him to keep the change.


Ralph’s Muffler & Welding Services
14538 Whittram Ave, Fontana, CA 92335
(909) 355-6603


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2:38 PM

If I’m completely honest, I would totally pay $15 bucks to have those guys come back and try and steal my catalytic converter a second time.

Heck, I might even up it to $25.

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Adventures in Food Poisoning

Adventures in Food Poisoning:
Observations from being bedridden for two days due to *food poisoning:

*May not have been food poisoning. Maybe it was a virus. Maybe it was an allergic reaction to sarcasm. Maybe I was suffering from Honey Bee Colony Collapse Disorder. Maybe I had a serious shortage of cow bell.

In any case, the symptoms were similar enough to food poisoning and a lot easier to write than this clarification that I just didn’t see the point in stating anything *other than food poisoning in my facebook posts on the subject. *This clarification being the exception.

Which posts? These posts:

Observations from being bedridden for two days due to *food poisoning:

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The Air Guitar Incident: Summary

The moral of the story is: Always, always, always warm up before performing air guitar.

This is the jump that landed me in Urgent Care. Well, not so much the jump as much as the landing.


Considering I had my cell phone on a timer and leaned up again a trash can, it ain’t bad.

I can’t say it was worth it — but I’ll never forget the day I got my air guitar back and then ended up at Urgent Care.

Or breaking out in a pouring sweat and fighting the urge to both faint and throw up in my car after I hobbled back to it.

Then when that passed, wondering if I’d be able to drive — and where I was going to go. And how much it was going to cost me.

My adventure that was having an adventure is having another adventure, apparently. Woohoo.

Also kids: I want it known I haven’t taken any drugs, ’cause I still gotta drive myself around — and serious drugs would be irresponsible. I hurt, but it’s not any worse than a migraine in my calf at the moment — when I’m not moving it around.

And I can’t walk… that’s a bummer.

And “what happened?”:

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A PCH adventure…

Yesterday I was on my way to Los Angeles from San Diego… but then I got stranded on the highway. But I did end up with a rental car — out of necessity — so today we ride!

12:49 PM

Was here. Signed a few autographs.

Only one of those statements is true.


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1:31 PM

So who wants to pose for a mermaid shoot in this water? ;)

Was here. Saw a dolphin. I’m good for the day. :)


2:19 PM

Was here. Got wet. Met a seagull named Jonathan.


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3:14 PM

Just met a bulldog named Butch.


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3:37 PM

The last time I was here, I climbed down and around this cliff in flip flops.

By some strange coincidence, the last time I was here, I broke a flip flop.

Not today. I’m sore from running. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. :)


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Breakdown: An unexpected adventure…

It started simply enough…


And thus, I begin my journey north — to the enchanted land called Los Angeles — where I will scout out photo shoot locations and work with other humans to create works of “wonder”.

As in, “I wonder what the photographer was thinking!? Eeewww!” ;)

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What’s the thing that makes your car stall out on the freeway again?


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Follow-up after some follower comments:

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