Grumpy calf status update

This is a normal calf. And this a calf on lousy air guitar landings.

Feels better though.


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Sometimes doors swing both ways.

About to exit sandwich shop. See woman with walker on sidewalk. She is accompanied by maybe her daughter.

Crutches under my arms, I try to get to the door to hold it open.

The daughter gets to the door before me and holds it open instead.

I wait and ask, “You coming in?”

‘Oh, no. We’re just passing by. Thought you could use a hand.’

Smiles all around.


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Yesterday: Just because I can do it myself…


The perils of being debilitated.

That awkward moment when you’re on crutches and you almost get run over by the guy in the SUV who doesn’t look behind him before backing up.

He did sincerely apologize. I think it was the way I screamed “AAAaaaaaAAaaaaaah!” in distress – I really sold it.

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I literally had no time to lift a crutch, or thump on his car, or do anything. Had I been about 2 seconds slower, he would have hit me.

As it was, I thought I was going to get hit by the side of his vehicle. All I could think of to do was go:


That got his attention. He rolled down his window and the look on his face was kind of priceless. He never really saw me and I think it terrified him that he almost ran me over.

‘I am sooooooo sorry!’

I was like, “No worries!” … and kind hobbled along like a cool guy who doesn’t look at explosions.


Just because I can do it myself…

Hobbles up to front door of gym on crutches. Carrying gym bag.

Takes me a minute to wrestle the door open and get inside.

Walk up to receptionist 10 feet away, who greets me with, “I was going to open the door for you, but I didn’t want to offend you.”

I had no problem with that, but it does concern me when people are afraid to attempt an act of kindness out of fear of offense.

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“Do not be afraid of doing good deeds. It is another name for happiness. I know well that good deeds lead to a ripening, a blossoming, which is pleasing, joyous and happy for a long time.” — Buddha


Just when I think I can walk…

Woke up.

*mental thought process*

“Hey, that feels better! I wonder if my calf was faking it? Let’s see if I can stand on it!”

Grumpy Calf says NO.

Screw you, Grumpy Calf. To compensate for lack of walking ability, I’m going to the gym especially early to look for sympathetic female athletes.

And this is how I meet the love of my life? That would make the MRI bill worth it…

Let’s go have fun…

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The Air Guitar Incident: Summary

The moral of the story is: Always, always, always warm up before performing air guitar.

This is the jump that landed me in Urgent Care. Well, not so much the jump as much as the landing.


Considering I had my cell phone on a timer and leaned up again a trash can, it ain’t bad.

I can’t say it was worth it — but I’ll never forget the day I got my air guitar back and then ended up at Urgent Care.

Or breaking out in a pouring sweat and fighting the urge to both faint and throw up in my car after I hobbled back to it.

Then when that passed, wondering if I’d be able to drive — and where I was going to go. And how much it was going to cost me.

My adventure that was having an adventure is having another adventure, apparently. Woohoo.

Also kids: I want it known I haven’t taken any drugs, ’cause I still gotta drive myself around — and serious drugs would be irresponsible. I hurt, but it’s not any worse than a migraine in my calf at the moment — when I’m not moving it around.

And I can’t walk… that’s a bummer.

And “what happened?”:

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"What happened?"

Arrive at imaging center (for my MRI). Walk in on crutches.

Lady at front desk asks, “What happened?”

Well, I was performing air guitar and landed wrong.

“Must have been an awesome set.”

It was glorious!

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