Humor & awkward moments by Zero Dean based on weird thoughts & real-life experiences often presented in webcomic format.
The problem with the expression “Strangers are simply friends you haven’t met yet” is that my friends probably wouldn’t mind — quite so much — when I playfully whip their butts with my towel when I walk behind them at the gym.
Who knew that big guys could run that fast!? ;)
Related:
Originally published on: Aug 23, 2013 @ 10:57
What I really need to do is find myself a brand new lover.
… But I’ll settle for a slightly used one.
As long as she still runs well, gets good mileage, and isn’t going to raise my insurance premiums.
RE: Dead Or Alive – Brand New Lover (video)
Originally published on: Oct 29, 2014 @ 09:50
“Google is your friend.”
Well sure. Up Until their robots and self-driving cars become sentient and try to take over the world. Then we’re all toast!
Now, I’m not saying I’m not looking forward to the apocalypse, but I am saying I’ve seen The Terminator. I know how this story goes.
*I’m cool with the robot apocalypse as long as I can still google “how to survive the robot apocalypse” when it happens.
Related:
Originally published on: Nov 24, 2014 @ 15:17
Whenever I’m standing somewhere and people ask me if I’m in line, I always say “yes, I’m in line” even if I’m not in line for whatever they’re probably in line for.
I do this just in case they’re about to start a line for something I could potentially be in line for. Because, frankly, I could potentially be in line for a lot of things and I want to make absolutely sure that whatever those potential things might be, I’m the first one in line for them.
*Free money, free pandas, free sword fighting lessons, free movie tickets, free burritos, free guacamole, free anti-gravity boots…
Stuff like that. It’s a pretty extensive list.
Originally published on: Dec 10, 2014 @ 14:01
Weird thought of the morning:
They say that you shouldn’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong…
And yet, I don’t think I have ever seen a sign indicating one way or the other where my nose should or shouldn’t go.
So for now, I’m taking a very non-committal approach and just leaving it where it is.
Originally published on: Nov 11, 2013 @ 10:58
Confession of the day:
Every time someone says “Let me grab my manager for you.” I picture them going into the back room and doing something they could get fired for.
Vik: Management through inappropriate acts – Chapter 1 “The Manager Grab”
Zero: …I suppose the alternative is you could ask someone to grab their manager, and when they get their manager, you can say, “That’s not what I meant.” And then they show YOU the exit.
Candie: Innocent-looking employee quietly approaches manager, gently cradles a buttock, and walks to their locker to gather their belongings.
Originally published on: May 28, 2014 @ 16:29
I await the day when technology advances to the point that someone can literally drive me up a wall and I can turn to them and say, “You’re driving me up the wall” in context.
That will be fun to do that one time.
Originally published on: Oct 10, 2014 @ 12:51
Two things really pass me off.
Gratuitous profanity and typos.
*And when my phone makes me lock lick an idiot.
I’m not saying that this is reverse psychology hidden within a double negative, but I’m also not saying you shouldn’t not download my new free ad-free app. Because you shouldn’t. Shouldn’t you?
…
*You don’t want to download my new app and make me happy don’t you?
I’m going to hell in a handbasket.
Does anyone want anything?