If you would like to know the nature of this post…

Once upon a time in a world too small to see...

Sitting in cafe.
Cell phone rings.

I answer.

“Hello. I have a call for you. Please hold while I connect you.”

It’s a robot.
Music plays.

15 seconds later…

“Our representatives are temporarily busy. Please continue to hold briefly.”

15 seconds later…

“We apologize for the delay. You will be connected in just a moment. Please continue to hold.”

15 seconds later…

“Thank you for your patience. Your call in now next in line. We will connect you in just a moment.”

15 seconds later…

“We’re sorry we weren’t able to speak with you. We are experiencing high call volumes.

If you would like to continue to hold, please press 1.
If you would like us to try you later, please press 2.
If you would like to know the nature of this call, please press 3 now.”




Dear phone robots,

1. Maybe you wouldn’t be experiencing “high call volumes” if you dialed back the number of people you decided to call about matters that you intentionally keep a mystery.

2. Maybe it’s not a good idea to call people only to put them on hold… and then tell them the wait will be brief… and then tell them they are next in line… to finally tell them you are unable to speak with them.

This makes NO sense unless you are deliberately programmed to be a tease. In which case, you are in the wrong industry.

3. Maybe, rather than keep the nature of your call a secret until the very end, you should simply TELL people what the nature of the call is BEFORE you make them waste their time waiting for you to finally decide you are unable to talk to the person you called.

And this is one of the reasons why I want to bring back the dinosaurs.

To wage war on the phone robots.

But I digress…

*Turns out, it wasn’t even for me. It was for some dude who is not me…

*pressed 3*

“Hello, this is an important call for… Ronald Fray.

If you are… Ronald Fray, please press 1.
If not, then please have… Ronald Fray call us at ### regarding a personal business matter.
If we have the wrong number, please press 2.
To hear this message again, press the star key.”

Oh hell, it was so much fun the first time, let’s hear it again.

I personally believe this is one of the ways that robots are deliberately testing us and probing for weaknesses.

Who’s to say what genius ideas I could have had during that minute+ of wasted time?

And just think, if they called 1 million people and wasted 1 minute of their time, that is nearly *2 years* of human existence wasted.

We need dinosaurs now more than ever.

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