Ultra limited-time mega promotion!

I have a plan

8:40 am

Ok, folks. We’re down to the final 20 minutes! This weekend’s mega promotion ends at 9am PST.

There are only limited slots available! This is your absolutely last chance to get in on this once in a lifetime opportunity!

Just keep following the instructions provided in my original post.

And good luck!

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9:00 am

Due to incredibly overwhelming demand, this weekend’s once in a lifetime, ultra limited, mega promotion is being extended for another 30 minutes!

That’s right, folks! You still have an incredible chance to be one of the special few people get in on this amazing opportunity before it’s gone gone gone for good!

See original post for promotion details.

And once again, good luck!

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9:30 am

That’s it, folks! Thanks for an excellent promotional run!

We blew away all expectations and are absolutely thrilled by this weekend’s response!

Those of you who participated will be receiving an email with instructions on how to claim your ultra mega super special awesome rewards.

Thanks again! And congratulations!

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10:00 am

Hey, folks! I have a special announcement!

Due to a special arrangement with a few of our sponsors, starting this weekend, running from Sept 6 through 9am PST Sept 8, we will be offering super special ultra mega rewards to anyone who responds to this post.

At the bare minimum, all participants will receive a lifetime supply of air and/or a *swift kick in the butt.

*may be virtual.

Other prizes include gift certificates to your favorite shopping & entertainment establishments, a trip to an exotic location, a new car, and by very special arrangement, knighthood.

Void where prohibited.

Additional details will be provided as the promotion runs this weekend.

Ends September 8, 2014, 9am PST.

Read the comments on Facebook

From the comments:

Mike: I’m an eager and willing participant in this super fun event.

Teresa: Where should I collect my swift kick in the butt sir?

Chad: Will the required time travel equipment be provided or must we supply our own?

Zero: Time travel equipment, airfare, accommodations, and air containment are the sole responsibility of the participants.

Chad: I only ask because my flux capacitor has been a little wonky since next week’s promotion.

Zero: Understandable. That promotion has some glitches due to the unexpected apocalypse occurring as a result of a blown fuse in one of our reality stabilizers.

Chad: That was unexpected? Wow. I totally thought you’d planned it. It was my favorite part of the whole experience. (although I really did think that campfire was totally out during the Alexandrian portion of the experience, sorry.)

Zero: Oh, our seers foresaw it, and we made adjustments accordingly. It was the evolved T-Rex with water balloons at the Battle of Waterloo that caught us by surprise.

Chad: I TOLD Andrew he shouldn’t have brought his pet, but noooo….

Zero: Bring your pet T-Rex on a no-pets promotion and cause the apocalypse. That’s why we have rules, Andrew. Rules.

Chad: Good thing he forgot its arm extenders, or we might have actually changed the outcome of the battle.

Zero: Well that’s the thing, Chad. He split the time line. You obviously went one way. Others didn’t. And it went… badly.

Chad: So I heard, I’m glad I’m on the right timeline. I suppose I should log off so I can enjoy some tasty us toast with syrup and bacon.

Andrew: Hey, who reads the fine print anyway? It wasn’t entirely my fault (or his). I mean, who knew we’d end up there right after I described what a Napoleon pastry was to him. He couldn’t help himself, everyone knows T-Rex have an underdeveloped ventral medial prefrontal cortex.

Zero: Yeah, I mean, like, right? Who doesn’t know that? Psssh.

Chad: *sheepishly raises hand* me

Zero: Welp, if we’re being honest, I didn’t know that either. I’m no T-Rex ventral medial prefrontal cortex expert.

Chad: Now that took guts, Zero.

Andrew: Where is self-control in the brain?

“CNN: Researchers are turning to the brain to find out the biological basis for self-control.”

C’mon folks, this is Neuroscience 254! It’s not rocket science.

Chad: Funny thing is, I did know that this spring, but it left my brain soon as I finished the final.

Andrew: What, you lost your ventral medial prefrontal cortex, and no one returned it?

Chad: Yes. Due to a railroad driving spike