That awkward conversation you have in your head when you’re trying to think of things you could say to start a conversation with the girl in the line next to you at Trader Joe’s:
“Well, you’re gorgeous.”
No. Puts too much emphasis on her looks.
“I see from the contents of your cart we have semi-compatible nutritional desires.”
No. Too nerdy, man. Also, invasive and creepy! Dial it back!
“Would you like to go in front of me?”
Dude, she’s not even in the same line as you. Plus, she has way more than 10 items. You could get banned for life!
“I’m a photographer. I mean, you’re pretty. And maybe I could take your picture sometime?”
Dude!? Did I not just tell you to dial back the “creepy”? Plus, you promised yourself you’d never use that photographer line ever!
“You don’t know me, but people think I’m cool on Facebook.”
Ok, now you just sound pathetic.
“Are those clementines?”
What.are.you.talking.about!? — “Those orange things in her cart!” — Oh. No. Don’t say anything about fruit.
“Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if I had a glass slipper right now?”
No. It would.not.be.funny! She doesn’t read your wall man, she has no idea what you’re talking about. She doesn’t even know you’re funny.
So all I did was nod and smile.
And then I *never saw her again.
*As of this moment.