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zero talking 2015
Flick this shirt!
Two things really pass me off.
Gratuitous profanity and typos.
*And when my phone makes me lock lick an idiot.
Reverse psychology+
I’m not saying that this is reverse psychology hidden within a double negative, but I’m also not saying you shouldn’t not download my new free ad-free app. Because you shouldn’t. Shouldn’t you?
…
*You don’t want to download my new app and make me happy don’t you?
Amazon prime
That awkward moment you can’t help but feel a little disappointed that the amazon.com package you didn’t order doesn’t arrive two days after you didn’t order it.
…
*Note to self:
You can put as many things in your shopping cart as you want, but if you don’t actually buy them, there’s a good chance they won’t arrive.
Related:
Life Goals
Is my life complete? Not yet.
But it’s definitely getting closer.
I just need a @NathanFillion
#lifegoals
Idiot proof
That awkward moment you’re looking through a folder of screenshots on your phone and then notice that you have a notification, so you click it, but nothing happens.
…
*Because I’m an idiot.
(Because it’s a screenshot).
Holy jumper cables!
That awkward moment sitting in your car in the gym parking lot (drinking your pre-workout drink) and a woman comes up and asks you if you have jumper cables. And you do.
And she’s elated because she’s been walking around for 10 minutes asking people.
So you help jump start her car.
And when you are finished she thanks Jesus.
But doesn’t thank you.
O_o
Now listen, I’m always happy to help, but it feels a bit strange to do all the work and then someone else gets all the credit.
I should’ve told her that Jesus is the one who left her lights on.
I’m the guy who had the cables and jumpstarted her car.
Related:
OkCupid
Guys be like, “I love your honesty.”
Related:
The lefty
At cafe.
One of the regulars and his wife walk in.
He sees me, smiling, “I see you’re a lefty today.”
No idea what he means, “What?”
“You parked your car in the other row today!”
Laughing, “You’re right!”
That awkward moment the former Mayor of the city not only knows what vehicle you drive, he knows where you typically park it.
O_O