False forecasts

That awkward moment someone writes you an email that starts with:

“Zero, I’m rather disgusted with…”

And you find your body tensing — while you hold your breath — because you are fully expecting it to end with:

“you” or “your post from earlier today” or any number of ways in which it could go poorly —

But instead, it ends with: “the system, too”

And you find yourself letting out of huge a sigh of relief. And now smiling, unexpectedly, because it was just someone agreeing with you.


That’s like starting a conversation with “We need to talk!”

Don’t ever do that unless it’s bad. Because even if it’s good, I am totally on the other end of the spectrum when you start speaking.

“We need to talk…”
“We won the lottery!”
“I’M SORRY!” … “Wait.” … “Wut?”

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Exploration of flavor


Container of fresh turkey salad: $1.29
Fresh baked sandwich bun: $.50
Ripe avocado: $.33
Small self-serve bag of spicy chili-seasoned dried mango: $.83

Proving to myself that I am a culinary-genius-on-a-budget by making a “turkey, avocado, dried spicy chili mango sandwich”:


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A fresh start

At Target.
Cashier is ringing me up.

“How’s your day?” he asks.
“Good! How’s yours?”
“Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year! How was your last night?”
“Good. But I’m really looking forward to this year. A fresh start, you know?”
“Yeah. Me, too.” He rings up an item, “Protein bars? What, are you trying to get buff or something?”

I laugh, because I’ve just worked out and I’m standing their in an athletic cut t-shirt.

“Yeah. I’m trying! Trying to *cultivate mass, man!”

I’m not sure he caught the It’s Always Sunny reference, but he laughs.

I’m liking this new year so far. The people of 2014 are nice.

Although I appear to be surrounded by sarcastic comedians. But I could get used to that.

Good times.

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A wrong turn


Men’s locker room.
Half a dozen or so guys are either done or getting ready to work out.

It’s pretty quiet.

Then suddenly a female voice is among us:


She runs out.

“Well, she seemed kind of embarrassed, ” says one of the guys.

We laugh.

Caught with their pants down or not, I don’t think a single guy actually minded.

Good times.

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