Moments ago… lady at the UPS store reading my address: “Zero? That was really cruel of your parents.” (she was actually kinda friendly, though).
5 minutes later at the bank: “Zero! That’s a nice name.”
The full spectrum right there.
the name
Interesting name.
Just now at the post office:
“Zero? Interesting name. Good thing you don’t look like a Zero.”
Then: “Ooh, the things that come out of my mouth.”
I wouldn't say that
In cafe. Cashier swipes my card. Then looks at it.
“Your real name is Zero?”
“Yes. It really is.”
“Your parents were creative.”
“Indeed.”
There is a sort of awkward silence and she registers what I’ve said.
And then she looks up, “And no one ever picked on you about your name?”
O_o
One
In cafe. Getting coffee.
Cashier rings me up and sees my name. And without hesitation, “You should name your kid One.”
I told him I did.
He was very impressed.
So it was a bit of a letdown when I told him I was still kid-less.
You're not a zero.
Just happened, but this has been played out many times before…
Woman at register reads my name on her screen, “Zero? *looks at me* … You’re not a zero.”
That’s my name.
*awkward pause* “I like it.”
You should be a superhero.
Panera cashier — who asked me about my name earlier — hands me a refill of hotwater for my tea, “Here you go. Man, I still can’t believe your name is Zero. It seems like you should be a superhero or something.”
I didn’t want to give away my secret identity, so I just nodded and smiled.
I just smiled and walked away.
And today she finally looked at my credit card when she swiped it.
And I said, “Did you just look at my name?”
“Yeah. That’s really your name? You sound like a spy.”
“Yeah, secret agent.”
“Russian?”
“No. You can tell because I don’t have an accent.”
“Ah, but maybe that’s just what you want me to think!”
And I just smiled and walked away.
One and Two
At the checkout counter, the woman looks at the name on my card…
“Zero?”
Yep.
“That’s your name?”
Yep.
“I’m just curious… Do you have any siblings?”
Yep.
“What are their names?”
*straight face* One and Two.
*she laughs — then catches herself when I maintain my straight face*
“Are you being serious?”
Absolutely.
“Wow, that’s–”
Nah! I’m just messing with you!
*she let’s loose a huge release-of-tension laugh*
It’s good to have some fun with it from time to time.
Zero
That awkward moment when you realize your name means nothing to people.
A ZERO hat reunion.
You don’t know this story, but some time ago I lost my ZERO hat. It was a sad day, as we had grown quite attached.
Well, today is an especially good day. I am being reunited with a newer, cleaner version of my namesake. Oh glory of glories.
