You know, the world is ending tomorrow…

So on the eve of the Apocalypse, a girl just expressed interest in me on Match, so I wrote her this letter…

Either I am a comedic genius or an offensive ignoramus — and sometimes you just don’t know where the line is until you cross it.

But hey — when you get me, you get ME. Social blunders and all.

But seriously — I DO love women with a sense of humor…


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Good! How are you?

So, the other night I posted about my excitement when conversations start with “Hey, my friend…” (especially with a Spanish accent).

Well, I just discovered that I’m not at all sure how I feel about conversations that start in Spanish and end in “my friend”.

You see, I don’t speak Spanish, and I have no idea what he said, but that didn’t stop me from responding with a solid “Good! How are you?”

I’m pretty sure he wasn’t asking me how I was, but my response seemed to work — and I wasn’t thrown out.

So perhaps that’s a solid answer for questions that start in Spanish and end in “my friend”?

“How do you feel about the world ending tomorrow, my friend?”

Good! How are you?

“What are the odds you and I can go home together, my friend?”

Good! How are you?

“Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die, my friend!”

Good! How are you?

It just works. Sort of.

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Apocalypse alert system


If the *apocalypse started, you’d tell me, right?

I mean, don’t assume that I already know, OK?

I don’t want to look up one day and see zombies banging on the window and be caught totally unprepared.

And I mean *any apocalypse! Zombies, aliens, Care Bears, Zombie Bees — Zombees!, the 4 Horsemen…er — Horsepeople, Y2K TWO, giant mutant radioactive squirrels, vegetarian zombie ski bunnies… You get the idea.

If you even just *think* the apocalypse is happening, even if you’re not sure, you tweet, text, email, or call me, OK?

‘Cause I will believe you! And together, we will rule the post apocalyptic world! Muahahaha!

Thank you.

Carry on, future apocalypse survivors!

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Apocalypse buddies


In an attempt to encourage apocalyptic responsibility, I’ve decided that everyone should have an apocalypse buddy.

This is a person you look out for during apocalyptic times. It’s just like having a swimming buddy, but you know, for like the apocalypse.

And you should put this special person on your “social media speed dial”, so to speak.

You know, so you can help alert them to any apocalypse related issues (zombies, aliens, dinosaurs, robot assassins from the future…) and/or sweet loot (especially sweet loot!).

And since you’re probably going to add them to your social media speed dial right now, if you could just go ahead and add me, too, that’d be great.

Together we will rule the post apocalyptic world!


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