First!

first-zero-dean

Whenever I’m standing somewhere and people ask me if I’m in line, I always say “yes, I’m in line” even if I’m not in line for whatever they’re probably in line for.

I do this just in case they’re about to start a line for something I could potentially be in line for. Because, frankly, I could potentially be in line for a lot of things and I want to make absolutely sure that whatever those potential things might be, I’m the first one in line for them.

*Free money, free pandas, free sword fighting lessons, free movie tickets, free burritos, free guacamole, free anti-gravity boots…

Stuff like that. It’s a pretty extensive list.

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Originally published on: Dec 10, 2014 @ 14:01

"Google is your friend."

google-is-your-friend-zero-dean

“Google is your friend.”

Well sure. Up Until their robots and self-driving cars become sentient and try to take over the world. Then we’re all toast!

Now, I’m not saying I’m not looking forward to the apocalypse, but I am saying I’ve seen The Terminator. I know how this story goes.

*I’m cool with the robot apocalypse as long as I can still google “how to survive the robot apocalypse” when it happens.

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Originally published on: Nov 24, 2014 @ 15:17

What I really need to do

what-i-really-need-to-do-zero-dean

What I really need to do is find myself a brand new lover.

… But I’ll settle for a slightly used one.

As long as she still runs well, gets good mileage, and isn’t going to raise my insurance premiums.

RE: Dead Or Alive – Brand New Lover (video)

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Originally published on: Oct 29, 2014 @ 09:50

"Strangers are simply friends…"

strangers-are-simply-friends-zero-dean

The problem with the expression “Strangers are simply friends you haven’t met yet” is that my friends probably wouldn’t mind — quite so much — when I playfully whip their butts with my towel when I walk behind them at the gym.

Who knew that big guys could run that fast!? ;)

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Originally published on: Aug 23, 2013 @ 10:57