30 seconds

So this place I do laundry at has the most suspicious — and potentially the most lazy — washers ever.

Once you’ve inserted your last coin, it takes 30 seconds before anything even remotely begins to happen.

I have to wonder why the washer needs 30 seconds when it could’ve at least started thinking about doing my laundry the moment I started inserting coins.

The least it could do is start blinking some lights or something.

But no. It just sits there in what appears to be silent judgement. Waiting.

It’s like my coins are being sent through some interstellar portal and it takes at least 30 seconds for my payment to be verified by some alien party on the other end.


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That awkward moment you’re watching your laundry like a hawk, because the last time you were at this particular laundromat, someone stole half a dozen of your gym shirts…

And if they were willing to steal 5+ year old sports apparel in which sweat & grime had long bonded with the shirt fibers at a subatomic level, you can be darn sure they’d want the shirts I replaced them with.

At this point in my journey, I’ve had 2 bikes stolen, 6 old gym shirts, a plastic water bottle cap (allegedly), a black dress sock, and a bag full of quarters.

There was also that recent attempt by someone to steal my catalytic converter while I was in my car. And that time someone tried to break into it, too.


At this point, I’m beginning to think that there must be something to this whole crime thing. I wonder if the benefits are good?

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Big money! Big money! No whammies!


Any time I feel like gambling, I go to the laundromat and put bills in the change machine.

It’s always a good time because the sound of the change being dispensed makes me feel like a winner and, when I’m done playing, I always break even.

Although most of the time I immediately take what I win and put it into washing and drying my dirty laundry.

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Zombie Apocalypse Laundry



I only visit the classiest of laundromats.

You can tell by the bars over the doors and windows.

Of course, this is the safest laundromat ever in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse.

In fact, I’m now thinking Zombie Apocalypse Laundry needs to be a thing… O_o

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When I do laundry at places with bars over the windows, I like to tease the outside world with my excellent fashion sense.

Can’t touch this! (literally)


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Loitering, the gateway to…


It occurs to me that I don’t think I’ve ever loitered on purpose…

So now I’m intentionally loitering just to see what happens.

I have to admit that, so far it’s kind of dull, really, but the free Wi-Fi is nice.

Also, kids, don’t loiter. Now that I’ve tried it, I know you’ve got better things to do.

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You might be in Texas when the laundromat attendant speaks absolutely no English.

I had to tell her I didn’t understand her. In English.

I could’ve said it in French though (grew up in Maine).

I’m pretty sure her response was “Oh. You don’t understand me.”

But she might’ve called me a sexy beast.


She definitely called me a sexy beast.

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