I-love-haters guy.

i-love-haters-guy-zero-dean

That awkward moment a big guy at the gym walks by wearing an “I [heart] haters” t-shirt…

So I thought I’d do him a favor and give him a little bit of the, uh, “Haterade”, since he loves it so much that he has a t-shirt saying so.

Turns out his T-shirt was a lie.

*This is a joke. Saw I-love-haters T-shirt on guy, but didn’t say anything. :)

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Themes:

The convergence.

Getting out of my car, I notice that a woman and I are converging upon the gym doors from opposite ends of the parking lot. She has her arms full and… Blast it! She’s ahead of me.

I increase my pace, my flippy floppies are pitter pattering on the pavement.

She sees me from across the lot.

I am intent on beating her to the doors. Does she know this? Does her pace increase slightly? Is thisĀ a game to her!?

Read moreThe convergence.

E is for endorphins

If you find a way to love your life — whatever state it’s in — life will love you back.

And the more you give, the more you get. What you give always comes back to you multiplied.

Try it. Give it some good and you’ll get good back.

You can’t out give the universe. Nature abhors a vacuum.

If you look for the good, you’ll find it. And if you’re going to dwell on something, you might as well make it positive.

This brief random message was brought to you by the letter E (for endorphins – brought on by 60 minutes of cardio).

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The Final Countdown

the-final-countdown-zero-dean

Going to the gym to wait for the apocalypse.This may be my best and last chance to find a woman I know can keep up with me when we’re running from…

Please let it be zombies!
Please let it be zombies!

I’m thinking that I’ll just hold a boom box over my head and blast out “The Final Countdown”.

Best verge-of-the-apocalypse girlfriend getting technique ever!

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Themes:

Re: Say Anything (Boombox scene)

No really, trust me, I'm blind…

no-really-trust-me-im-blind-zero-dean

I’ve discovered — quite by accident — that acting like I’m nearsighted when looking at ladies is a great way to…

…well, look at ladies.

With this in mind, I think the next obvious step in trying to find a suitable mate will be to experiment with acting blind while at the gym.

I’m heading to Home Depot later to pick up a really long stick.

These flawless girl getting techniques are coming so fast lately, I’m thinking I should write a book!

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Themes:

Light fixture handyman.

Walk through the men’s locker room to the showers. The showers are empty and there is a Latino handyman standing on a step ladder — with his back to me — working on a light fixture.

I proceed to make electric zapping noises and then duck into a shower.

I hear him laugh, and when I peek out, he is looking around for the source of the noise.

I say, “You’re not going to get electrocuted if I take a shower, are you?”

“If I do, I just scream.”, he says.

“Ok.”

So I proceeded to take a shower.

I didn’t hear any screaming, but he wasn’t on the ladder when I got out.

I’m thinking spontaneous combustion.

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