The sweet treat.

Starving, but stopped at Target before getting something to eat.

So I caved in and bought a treat.

The cashier notices, “You want this in the bag or me to leave it out for you?”

“OH! I’m going to find that no matter where you hide it on me, you can be sure of that!”

It must have been my animated delivery, as she thought that was the funniest thing ever.

“AHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, then I’m going to leave it out for you!” she says, laughing, “You have a wonderful night, sweetheart!”

“You, tooooooo! Thank you!”

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Philadelphia

philadelphia-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re In a gym locker room — in Memphis, TN — and you overhear two older guys — who don’t know anything about movies — talking about movies…

“I still ain’t seen that Philadelphia”
“What?”
“That Philadelphia movie… I think it’s about gays.”
“Philadelphia, eh? Wait, I think I seen that one – where the military does experiments on soldiers?”
“Gays?”,
“Yeah, I think so.”

They have, unbeknownst to them, just created a movie mash-up between Philadelphia and The Philadelphia Experiment. Kind of Genius, really.

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Themes:

Rant mode

rant-mode-zero-dean

Guy walks into the men’s locker room. He’s ranting, “These guys that just sit on the machines and stare — they slow everything down.”

Older guy, Russian accent, without hesitation, “What are you, commanding an army!? Let it go!”

Ranting man: Rant mode deactivated.

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Themes:

Ha. Ha. Ha. Fire pole.

‘This happens everywhere I go!’

Grandmother: “Oh really? Well, you have a very happy smiling face.”

‘It doesn’t matter where I sit, they always find me.’

2 year old long haired blue eyed blonde boy who is turned around to stare and smile at me: (verbalized) “Ha.” “Ha.” “Ha.” “Ha.” — “Fire pole”.

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The talking tree

the-talking-tree-zero-dean

Doesn’t it kind of defeat the purpose of wearing an outfit entirely made up of camouflage if you wear a neon yellow visibility vest over it?

I mean, I probably would’ve mistaken the guy for an out-of-place talking tree if it wasn’t for that vest.

Maybe he was afraid someone would try to chop him down?

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Themes: