Yet another reason why I need a time machine


They should invent a time machine for people who have trouble taking their pills on time.

Taking antibiotics every 8 hours since my root canals last week has proven to be…

Well, let’s just say I need a time machine.

And also for dinosaurs.

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See, if I had the resources to get my Dinosaur Resurrection Project (DRP) off the ground, I would totally celebrate my birthday by giving you all dinosaurs of your own.

Who wouldn’t want a cute little T-Rex or Pterosaur?

Don’t worry. We’d genetically modify them to be perfectly safe.

It wouldn’t be like in that movie — whatever it’s called. No. Not like that.

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When I have a family, I’m going to teach my kids to always be nice to birds. And that when they grow up and have children of their own, they should teach their kids the same thing.

That way when dinosaurs finally make a comeback, they’ll have learned to trust our family like friends.

Because seriously, I wouldn’t put it past any animal that ruled the Earth for 165 million years — and still has ancestors around — from making a comeback.

It’s not a question of “if”, so much as a question of “when”. And so when it happens, we (and by we, I mean my family) will be ready.

The Zero Dean family : BFF! (Bird Friends Forever)

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Looking for a few good nerds.


Looking for a few good nerds.

Know Unix? I could use you for when the dinosaurs come.

Alien OS exploit specialist? Let’s express our independence.

Pint-size humanoid with hairy feet? You’re in my fellowship.

Blue-collar deep-core drillers? Come on, you don’t want to miss a thing.

Geologists specializing in the Earth’s electromagnetic field? You can become part of my core team.

Psychics and clairvoyants? You know my number.

Let’s do this.

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Why I need a time machine

I’m in a cafe. Sitting at a table with my laptop. An East Indian man in a suit walks up…

“Excuse me, sir — is the Internet down?”

What I wanted to say:

“Oh, no, my dear fellow. I don’t know what they’ve told you, but the Internet is UP and DOWN and all around you. The Internet is — everrrrrrrywherrrrrre!”

What I actually said:

“I’m not sure. I read the sign on the door, so I didn’t even try. I’m using my phone.”

I know — that’s not half as exciting and I wish I’d said what I was thinking!

THIS is why I NEED a time machine! Well, this and DINOSAURS!

Oh, and that time I spilled coffee on my laptop.

PS. They have a separate notice for their unvalued customers…

It simply says: No WIFI for you!

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