Dear trash in my car,
Why you gotta wait until another man finds you before you turn into treasure!?
Doesn’t seem right!
Car talk
Heightened auditory expectations
5 minutes ago…
Came to an abrupt stop — while driving — to let a man cross the street.
He looked over at me and laughed.
I wasn’t sure why at first.
Then I realized my sunroof was open…
Annnnd I had just made my own *tires-screeching-on-asphalt* sound FX.
“Scccrreeeach!”
That’s right. When reality fails to meet my heightened auditory expectations due to movies, TV, and video games, I make my own sound FX.
Please, somebody tell me you do that, too. :)
Related:
The correlation between writing and driving…
It struck me while driving to the gym this morning that there might just be a correlation between people who don’t abide by the rules of the road and those who don’t abide by the rules of writing.
I mean, maybe the same people who don’t like punctuation are the same people who don’t like using their directional signals?
Maybe the people you find making up their own writing rules are the same people who ignore 5 miles of “construction ahead: merge now” signs, only to merge when their wheels hit traffic cones…
An den u jus got da fooks who be all writin lik dis an shit an day be on da side da road be waitin on dat roadside assistance.
;)
By all means, break the rules if you have a solid understanding of why they exist and your “exception” overrules a rule in a very deliberate fashion.
Otherwise, it’s like starting a board game that you’ve never played before — with a bunch of people who have — and you just start making shit up. They will be like, WTF?
—
I’d also like to point out — while I’m at it — that I’m no poster child for proper grammar. I break the. Time. All the rules!
In fact; I still don’t know how to properly use a semicolon.
Related:
Baseball
I wonder if the people who pull up severely short at stop lights are the same people who — when they’re playing baseball — run around the bases and then stop before they get to home plate?
What? You say no one does that in baseball?
That’s correct.
Because that’s not how you play the game.
Las Vegas traffic
The best mechanism I’ve found to cope with Las Vegas traffic is to assume:
10{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} of drivers never took driver’s ed.
10{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} of drivers are txting or browsing the internet while driving.
10{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} of drivers are very intoxicated.
10{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} of drivers are in the midst of some kind of emergency.
10{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} of drivers are blindfolded and being directed by a passenger.
And 5{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} of the time there will be something completely unexpected in the roadway in front of you — like a ladder, scuba gear, or a life-sized plastic kangaroo.
If you assume these things, it becomes almost a game to spot which is which — while also trying to survive the roadway.
Just sayin’.
Related:
Honking
Has it been established that when you honk at someone for doing something annoying, the longer you honk, the more you’re expressing – to that person and everyone within earshot – how much they annoy you?
Just checking…
Because people who honk for an excessively, long time annoy me, but I know how to show it.
*Special nod to Mitch “I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.” Hedberg
Driving confession
Confession of the day:
Whenever I drive up on a curb, I pretend I did it on purpose. :)
Related: