Whipped cream is the new honey butter?

pumpkin-pie-bagel-with-whipped-cream-zero-dean

Walk up to cafe counter.

“Zero! What can I get you?”
“I would like a pumpkin pie bagel… with whipped cream & marshmallows.”
“Ok… Wait. Are you being serious.”
“Yup. I’m being serious.”
“Ooookay.”

Awww yes. I’m just a kid cleverly disguised as an adult.

Muahahaha!

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A gym cafe connection

At gym.

My (newish) buddy, Tom, comes over, “Did I see you at the cafe next to Chipotle yesterday?”

“Yeah, I work there.”
“You work there?”

“I mean I do my work there. I’m there a lot.”
“Yeah, you look like you eat a lot of bread,” he says with a grin.

Laughing, “Well, what were you doing there?”

“Taking my kids to Chipotle.”
“Well, you look like you eat a lot of Chipotle!”

Ah, gym humor (Tom is built like a brick house).

I can neither confirm nor deny that I eat a lot of bread. But I can say that if I did eat it, it would be good bread.

And the pastries are good, too. And the cookies.

But what makes that cafe special is the people.

Although the bagels aren’t bad, either.

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Flower power

Walk into cafe.

Manager greets me, “Zero! And how are you today?”

“You know, I’m a little tired today. Woke up at 6am and never fell back to sleep. So it’s just one of those days. And that’s why I’m here early,” I say as I unload my laptop, “And how are you?”

“I’m good. I’m feeling like a dandelion…” pausing, “but I don’t know what that means,” he chuckles.

I laugh, “Well, I suppose it depends on whether you’re a fresh dandelion or one past its prime.”

“Well… I’ve still got all my petals.”

Sometimes I get into unusual conversations with people.

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And it's dishwasher safe

Walk up to cafe counter.

One of the managers greets me, “What’ll it be today, Zero?”

“Coffee, please.” I say, putting my travel mug down so I can pull my credit card out of my wallet.

Manager grabs my mug and makes a show of spinning it around and analyzing it from all angles, then hands it back to me. “Looks good to me. We’re all good here.”

“Ah, we’re good. Thank you.”

He smiles and proceeds to help the next customer.

And then I walk away like a guy with a vessel approved by the powers-that-be for consumption of coffee.

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A peaceful protest

Walk into cafe.

All the tables with outlets are taken.

The kind, older couple I’ve written about before (Frank & Irene) are sitting at one of the tables I sometimes sit at and drinking coffee together.

They greet me as I sit at a nearby table.

As I open up my laptop bag, they stand up. I look over…

“You can have our table.”

“What? Oh no. Please. Enjoy your coffee! I couldn’t.”

“You need it more than we do.”

Despite my protest, they gather their things to switch tables with me.

Seeing that I’m outnumbered, “Ok, fine. It’s two against. Not even fair.”

And Frank says, “Now don’t say we never saved you a table.”

“I won’t! I’ll have to make it up to you.”

“You better!” says Irene, laughing.

I love these two.

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Alter ego indentification

Walk into cafe.

One of the managers behind the register sees me enter and shouts my name, “Zero!”

I put my laptop bag down and wave. He continues… “Mild mannered cafe lurker by day… Superhero by night.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” I say as I approach the registers.

“You probably are a Superhero. In any case, you’re my favorite Zero… well, other than the one at the end of my paycheck.”

I laugh.

And since he’s actually helping another customer throughout this exchange, the other cashier greets me, “Hey, what can I get you?”

“Coffee, please,” I say, waving my travel mug.
“Is that it?”
“Yup!”
“You’re good, man. Go ahead.”

And then I walked away like a guy with the impression that they’re kinda maybe ok with me at this establishment.

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Spreading fun

Walk up to cafe counter.

Manager greets me, “Zero! What can I get you?”
“I would like 20 butters…”
He laughs, “Ok. 20 butters!” *he hands me the container that holds ALL the butter packets. There are at least 20 in there.* “Anything else?”
“And a coffee, please.” I say as I hand him my rewards card.
*He swipes it*
“You have no rewards today.”
*I hand him my credit card. He swipes it and hands it back to me*
“Do you feel better than I swiped your card?”
“Always!” … and then I realize he swiped it, but didn’t process the transaction.
“Enjoy your coffee.”
Laughing, “Thank you!”

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Butter

Walk up to cafe counter.

“Zero! What can I get you.”
“How about a bagel?”
“Sliced and toasted?”
“Yup.”
*He prepares my bagel*
“Here you go.”
“Thanks!”
“Want your receipt?”
“Naw, I’m good.”
“Are you suuure?”
“Alright. I’ll take my receipt.”

And this is when you know they know you well enough to know that something like this will make you laugh.

Mission accomplished, sir. Thank you.

butter-butter-zero-dean

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Computer genius

computer-genius-zero-dean

Guy sitting at a cafe table near me turns and asks, “You wouldn’t happen to be a computer genius, would you?”

“Hmmm… what’s your problem?”

He told me. And then, after working through his computer issue for 10 minutes, we finally got the answer to his initial question.

The answer is no.

I am not a computer genius.

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Transported

transported-zero-dean

Older guy sitting at a cafe table near me comes back from getting coffee. Turns to me…

“You know who you look like?”
“Who?”
“An actor.”
I smile, “Oh yeah, which one.”
“Jason… Statham.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, strong resemblance. Same build and everything. You seen any of his movies?”
“Yeah. Like ‘The Transporter’…’The Expendables’… He always plays the same character.”
He laughs, “Yeah he does. Good movies though. I like him.”

And all I’m thinking is, “THAT MEANS YOU LIKE ME! MUAHAHAHA!” and “Now to use this power on the ladies!”

He left me with this tidbit, “All you have to do is adopt a British accent and people will be lining up for your autograph.”

A’right then. ‘Ow’s this, mate?

Ok, my British accent needs some work.

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