Like literally

like-literally-zero-dean

That awkward moment you are, like, literally, like, sitting in a cafe near a girl who is, like, literally, like talking to her friend and, like, literally, like, using the words literally and like, like, literally every few words.

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Originally published on: Nov 11, 2014 @ 16:33

Ink and paper

ink-and-paper-zero-dean

Walk up to cafe counter.

Without saying a word, the manager puts a coffee cup down for me. I hand him my card and he rings me up.

This level of efficiency is astounding — and I don’t want to mess this up.

“Need the paperwork?” he asks.

I smile, “Nope. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this transaction.”

And then I walked away like the ghost of Mitch Hedberg.

Mitch would would be proud.

*Miss you Mitch.

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RE: Mitch Hedberg (video)

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Originally published on: Oct 12, 2013 @ 14:40

Reverse psychology

reverse-psychology-zero-dean

So… a girl walks into the cafe I’m in.

But she doesn’t just “walk” in. She makes a performance out of it, passing by me several times. Why? I don’t know.

She then sits 3 empty seats away from me at the opposite end of the “bar”, against the wall, but facing my direction.

And then proceeds to act *completely* disinterested…

So she’s interested, right?

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Originally published on: Dec 21, 2011 @ 10:25

Good with computers

good-with-computers-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re approached by a woman who says, “Excuse me. I don’t mean to bother you, but you look like you’re good with computers…”

Because yeah, I am good with computers — but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to give off the kind of vibe that when a woman looks at me she thinks, “That guy right there! That guy looks really good with computers.”

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Originally published on: May 23, 2012 @ 13:32

One more thing

one-more-thing-zero-dean

In cafe. a Group of retirees sitting at a table next to mine. a Small child & Mom walk by and get the attention of the group. They all chitchat for minute. The child is a burst of sunshine.

Then they all say good-bye…

As the child is walking away, he turns and says:

“Wait! There’s one more thing I want to say to you!”

“What is that?”

“There’s a Sponge Bob shirt.”

And then he walked away like a kid who just shared the answer to life.

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Originally published on: Mar 19, 2011 @ 09:47