awkward moments

Philadelphia

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philadelphia-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re In a gym locker room — in Memphis, TN — and you overhear two older guys — who don’t know anything about movies — talking about movies…

“I still ain’t seen that Philadelphia”
“What?”
“That Philadelphia movie… I think it’s about gays.”
“Philadelphia, eh? Wait, I think I seen that one – where the military does experiments on soldiers?”
“Gays?”,
“Yeah, I think so.”

They have, unbeknownst to them, just created a movie mash-up between Philadelphia and The Philadelphia Experiment. Kind of Genius, really.

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I want to ask u a question.

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i-want-to-ask-u-a-question-zero-dean

That awkward moment someone writes you an email asking you if it’s ok to ask you a question.

“i want to ask u a question. can i ask u or no?”

I wrote back yes — but boy are they going to be surprised when I tell them that the answer to their first question was free, but the 2nd question is going to cost them.

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And I quote

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and-i-quote-zero-dean

“That awkward moment you realize that almost Anything in quotes followed by a dash with a name after it automatically makes the person who said it seem smarter.” — Zero Dean

Muahahaha!

Muahahaha!

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Warning: Mirror.

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warning-mirror-zero-dean

That awkward moment you discover that the gym you are visiting has putting a warning label on the mirrors. I thought seeing your own reflection would be a pretty big clue, but then I realized… VAMPIRES!

Personally, I think they should’ve put up a humanoid shaped silhouette, like they do for birds on windows.

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Error 28

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error-28-zero-dean

hat awkward moment you run so fast that the treadmill you’re running on suddenly gives up, gasping “error 28”.

I just wanted to see how fast it would go!

Sadly, it didn’t catch on fire or shoot sparks or anything cool. it just stopped.

It’s a sad day when a treadmill gives up before you do!

“Error 28” my ass.

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My bananas!

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my-bananas-zero-dean

That awkward moment you are at Trader Joe’s Buying a few things and the lady at the checkout asks, “Do you share your bananas?”

I said, “No, I eat them all by myself.”

And then I left thinking that was a pretty unusual question. Because seriously, Do I really look like a banana sharing kind of guy?

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Willpower

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willpower-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re parked outside a grocery store in which you are 100{82b2ded5ae086bbe31c001f0374079c9503b180ae813ec027549eb44365a9474} certain there is ice-cream.

And now you are wondering what would be more satisfying… Buying and eating a whole pint of delicious ice-cream all by myself…

Or being proud of my awesome willpower for not buying and eating a whole pint of delicious ice-cream all by myself.

What if I just want to be proud of being able to override my awesome willpower?

Now that takes willpower!

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I-love-haters guy.

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i-love-haters-guy-zero-dean

That awkward moment a big guy at the gym walks by wearing an “I [heart] haters” t-shirt…

So I thought I’d do him a favor and give him a little bit of the, uh, “Haterade”, since he loves it so much that he has a t-shirt saying so.

Turns out his T-shirt was a lie.

*This is a joke. Saw I-love-haters T-shirt on guy, but didn’t say anything. :)

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