Humor & awkward moments by Zero Dean based on weird thoughts & real-life experiences often presented in webcomic format.
The following running commentary took place over the course of about an hour on Facebook as I sat on the outside patio of Panera Bread in Santa Monica, California…
10:13 am
An old lady at my favorite Panera Bread in the world (Santa Monica) just _winked_ at me and asked me to keep an eye on her computer. I said sure and smiled. I think we’re going out now. I don’t know how to break it off. This might get a little messy.
In cafe. Cashier swipes my card. Then looks at it.
“Your real name is Zero?”
“Yes. It really is.”
“Your parents were creative.”
“Indeed.”
There is a sort of awkward silence and she registers what I’ve said.
And then she looks up, “And no one ever picked on you about your name?”
O_o
I’m Thinking about growing a 70’s porn star mustache.
I think it might help.
It’ll be Like flair for my face.
Weird thought of the day:
I think the world would be quite different if more people were named Humpty.
I don’t care what you say, I think my new “Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes” T-shirt screams confidence… with a subtle hint of romanticism thrown in.
That awkward moment you witness a customer negotiate the price of his meal with the east Indian owner of a Subway.
Also, the owner doesn’t cut his nails.
I mean like ever.
O_O
Confession of the day:
Whenever I drive up on a curb, I pretend I did it on purpose. :)
Related:
That awkward moment you’re sitting at a table in a bookstore and an old man, sitting at a table next to you, is reading a book on Microsoft Windows and repeatedly muttering, “You have to be f****ing kidding me.”
Coincidence?
I think not.
Related:
Standing in the self-serve coffee section in Panera Bread.
A server walks up, “Whatchoo drinkin’ on?”
“Hazelnut”
“Lemme gitchoo a freshun”
“Ok!”.
He walks off and comes back a few moments later, “Canna fit much innis cup!” he says, pointing at my cup, “You wanna bigguh cup?”
“Naw, I’m good, but thank you!”
Super friendly guy. And sincere. That was pretty cool. I’m not making fun of his speech. It’s just his speech WAS FUN. Happy dude. :)
From the comments:
Ashley Renee Burke: One of the many reasons to love the south
Zero: Yeah… and we weren’t at a register. He was just refilling coffee when I was there. He went in back and got me fresh Hazelnut… and then offered to swap my cup for a larger one. People like that brighten my day…I just want to hang out with them. ;)
Walk into a kind of “funky”, locally owned coffee shop in Santa Monica, California.
This place has character. It’s also empty. Journey is playing on the radio. The Cashier hears me enter and greets me with a smile.
As I go to order, she puts her hand up and says, “Hold on. We’re having a ‘Journey moment’.”
I stand and smile. Moments pass. We just stand there. And finally The song winds down…
“Ok”, she smiles, “How can I help you?”
It.was.perfect.
Related: