Marketing magic

marketing-magic-zero-dean

I bought a long-overdue pack of boxer briefs yesterday.

On the bag the company had the number 5 crossed out and a 6 printed above it.

And low and behold, the bag contained SIX boxer briefs instead of only FIVE!

It was like magic!

I’d like to see them do that with a standard carton of eggs.

13, baby!

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*To the best of my knowledge, there is no way to fit 13 eggs in a standard egg carton (no, double egg yolks don’t count, genius!).

And this is why I think it would require much more powerful magic than simply crossing out 12 and writing 13 next to it.

Besides, hens have been laying 12 eggs at a time for like forever. And it is pretty much common knowledge that this is why eggs come in packs of a dozen (*which is also the inspiration for bagels and donuts).

If we start asking hens to lay 13 eggs at a time, instead of 12, I’m sure some simply won’t be able to do it.

Of course, we could mess with their genetics.

But if we do that, we run the risk of reverse engineered dinosaurs.

Wait. Yessssss. Let’s do that!

Themes:

False forecasts

That awkward moment someone writes you an email that starts with:

“Zero, I’m rather disgusted with…”

And you find your body tensing — while you hold your breath — because you are fully expecting it to end with:

“you” or “your post from earlier today” or any number of ways in which it could go poorly —

But instead, it ends with: “the system, too”

And you find yourself letting out of huge a sigh of relief. And now smiling, unexpectedly, because it was just someone agreeing with you.

Phew!

That’s like starting a conversation with “We need to talk!”

Don’t ever do that unless it’s bad. Because even if it’s good, I am totally on the other end of the spectrum when you start speaking.

“We need to talk…”
“Uh…”
“We won the lottery!”
“I’M SORRY!” … “Wait.” … “Wut?”

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Exploration of flavor

exploration-of-flavor-zero-dean

Container of fresh turkey salad: $1.29
Fresh baked sandwich bun: $.50
Ripe avocado: $.33
Small self-serve bag of spicy chili-seasoned dried mango: $.83

Proving to myself that I am a culinary-genius-on-a-budget by making a “turkey, avocado, dried spicy chili mango sandwich”:

Priceless.

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A fresh start

At Target.
Cashier is ringing me up.

“How’s your day?” he asks.
“Good! How’s yours?”
“Good!”
“Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year! How was your last night?”
“Good. But I’m really looking forward to this year. A fresh start, you know?”
“Yeah. Me, too.” He rings up an item, “Protein bars? What, are you trying to get buff or something?”

I laugh, because I’ve just worked out and I’m standing their in an athletic cut t-shirt.

“Yeah. I’m trying! Trying to *cultivate mass, man!”

I’m not sure he caught the It’s Always Sunny reference, but he laughs.

I’m liking this new year so far. The people of 2014 are nice.

Although I appear to be surrounded by sarcastic comedians. But I could get used to that.

Good times.

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A wrong turn

a-wrong-turn-zero-dean

Men’s locker room.
Half a dozen or so guys are either done or getting ready to work out.

It’s pretty quiet.

Then suddenly a female voice is among us:

“WHOOPS!!! SORRY!!!”

She runs out.

“Well, she seemed kind of embarrassed, ” says one of the guys.

We laugh.

Caught with their pants down or not, I don’t think a single guy actually minded.

Good times.

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