"Strangers are simply friends…"

strangers-are-simply-friends-zero-dean

The problem with the expression “Strangers are simply friends you haven’t met yet” is that my friends probably wouldn’t mind — quite so much — when I playfully whip their butts with my towel when I walk behind them at the gym.

Who knew that big guys could run that fast!? ;)

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Originally published on: Aug 23, 2013 @ 10:57

What I really need to do

what-i-really-need-to-do-zero-dean

What I really need to do is find myself a brand new lover.

… But I’ll settle for a slightly used one.

As long as she still runs well, gets good mileage, and isn’t going to raise my insurance premiums.

RE: Dead Or Alive – Brand New Lover (video)

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Originally published on: Oct 29, 2014 @ 09:50

"Google is your friend."

google-is-your-friend-zero-dean

“Google is your friend.”

Well sure. Up Until their robots and self-driving cars become sentient and try to take over the world. Then we’re all toast!

Now, I’m not saying I’m not looking forward to the apocalypse, but I am saying I’ve seen The Terminator. I know how this story goes.

*I’m cool with the robot apocalypse as long as I can still google “how to survive the robot apocalypse” when it happens.

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Originally published on: Nov 24, 2014 @ 15:17

First!

first-zero-dean

Whenever I’m standing somewhere and people ask me if I’m in line, I always say “yes, I’m in line” even if I’m not in line for whatever they’re probably in line for.

I do this just in case they’re about to start a line for something I could potentially be in line for. Because, frankly, I could potentially be in line for a lot of things and I want to make absolutely sure that whatever those potential things might be, I’m the first one in line for them.

*Free money, free pandas, free sword fighting lessons, free movie tickets, free burritos, free guacamole, free anti-gravity boots…

Stuff like that. It’s a pretty extensive list.

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Originally published on: Dec 10, 2014 @ 14:01

Nose Trespassing

nose-trespassing-zero-dean

Weird thought of the morning:

They say that you shouldn’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong…

And yet, I don’t think I have ever seen a sign indicating one way or the other where my nose should or shouldn’t go.

So for now, I’m taking a very non-committal approach and just leaving it where it is.

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Originally published on: Nov 11, 2013 @ 10:58

Risks of the job

risks-of-the-job-zero-dean

Confession of the day:

Every time someone says “Let me grab my manager for you.” I picture them going into the back room and doing something they could get fired for.

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Vik: Management through inappropriate acts – Chapter 1 “The Manager Grab”

Zero: …I suppose the alternative is you could ask someone to grab their manager, and when they get their manager, you can say, “That’s not what I meant.” And then they show YOU the exit.

Candie: Innocent-looking employee quietly approaches manager, gently cradles a buttock, and walks to their locker to gather their belongings.

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Originally published on: May 28, 2014 @ 16:29

Vertical driving ascension

vertical-driving-ascension-zero-dean

I await the day when technology advances to the point that someone can literally drive me up a wall and I can turn to them and say, “You’re driving me up the wall” in context.

That will be fun to do that one time.

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Originally published on: Oct 10, 2014 @ 12:51

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