"Strangers are simply friends…"

strangers-are-simply-friends-zero-dean

The problem with the expression “Strangers are simply friends you haven’t met yet” is that my friends probably wouldn’t mind — quite so much — when I playfully whip their butts with my towel when I walk behind them at the gym.

Who knew that big guys could run that fast!? ;)

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Originally published on: Aug 23, 2013 @ 10:57

There has to be a law for that.

there-has-to-be-a-law-for-that-zero-dean

How come when I do something ridiculous, I almost always have an audience…

But when I do something awesome, there are never any witnesses to my awesomeness… Even in a crowded gym.

Kick flipping that yoga ball onto the rack just now was awesome.

Audience = 0.

Literally.

I believe there has to be some kind of universal law dictating that the size of your viewing audience is inversely proportional to the degree to which your action was awesome.

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Originally published on: Sep 28, 2012 @ 09:46

Seven, Eight, Ten

seven-eight-ten-zero-dean

That awkward moment you overhear a heavily accented conversation in the men’s locker room and it includes the statement:

“I had like 4 roommates, but I ate them.”

And no one bats an eye.

*shrugs*

I guess I heard that wrong…

Unless I didn’t. O_O

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*Why “seven, eight, ten”? Because 7 ate 9. That’s why.

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Originally published on: Feb 5, 2014 @ 10:13

Catch the wave

catch-the-wave-zero-dean

That awkward moment someone waves at you at the gym and you don’t know them, but you decide to wave back…

Only to realize half a second into it that they’re not waving at you, but at their friend behind you…

But at this point, you’re fully committed to waving, so you wave anyway.

Because waving. It’s friendly.

Hell yeah.

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Originally published on: Jul 16, 2014 @ 11:14

Gym marketing logic

gym-marketing-logic-zero-dean

Gym marketing logic:

  1. Take an item that costs $X amount at a retailer.
  2. Multiply the price of that item by 300% and establish that as the going price.
  3. Then put up signs that indicate your product is 50% off the price you just established, but only a limited time.

FOOL EVERYBODY!

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Originally published on: Aug 28, 2013 @ 11:45

Random moaning guy

random-moaning-guy-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re listening to a lecture on quantum physics – while doing cardio at the gym – and the guy on the elliptical next to you keeps moaning randomly.

Or not randomly! What if my entire existence revolves around the sole expression of this man’s moans!? What if I am meant to take away something deeply meaningful from these fleeting few moments!?

Naaaaaah.

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Originally published on: Feb 19, 2011 @ 09:15

Buff cats

buff-cats-zero-dean

That awkward moment you find cat hairs on the floor of the gym…

This leads me to a single logical conclusion:

Cats are sneaking into the gym at night and secretly training to take over the world.

Owners of buff cats beware! Once Fluffy gets ripped, she’ll be unstoppable!

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From the comments:

Melanie: I knew it.

Malq: I just showed this to my cats. They put their sunglasses on and slowly walked away with out a meow.

Kim:
sunglasses-cats

Malq: Exactly Kim be afraid

Melanie:
our-plan-is-coming-together

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Originally published on: Oct 19, 2014 @ 10:41

Good things come to those who… waaait a minute.

good-things-come-to-those-who-waaait-a-minute-zero-dean

Me: See attractive woman at the gym. Want to talk to her.

Brain: Whoa. Whoa, dude. Let’s not be hasty.

Me: (18 months later) How about now?

Brain: Don’t you rush me!!!

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From the comments:

Kristy: Do it! You never know maybe she has been wanting to talk to you too.

Zero:
Sometimes she acts completely disinterested in me in the same way I act completely disinterested in her. And sometimes I can’t tell.

One of the things I like most about her is how she works out. Which may sound weird, but she doesn’t screw around — and I find that very inspiring and motivating. Which, in turn, makes me up my game.

Today we shared equipment. Thus extending my strength training routine by 30 minutes. ;)

So romantic. :)

Michelle: Just talk to her. If you find she returns the conversation then gauge if it’s an appropriate time to ask her out or not. Key: make her laugh! If you accomplish that…she will remember you. (Just don’t be creepy about it)

Zero:
Therein lies the rub. People who wear headphones while they are working out would likely prefer not to be interrupted.

Also, large 2 floor gyms aren’t conducive to bumping into people in the exact same area all the time.

Also, timing.

Trust me, if there was a good opportunity, I’d make an effort to take advantage of it.

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Originally published on: Jan 13, 2014 @ 12:56

The weatherman

Before my Mexican friend, Juan (also the facilities supervisor at my gym), switched to working nights last month, he used to give me unsolicited weather reports.

For example, on Friday he would tell me with enthusiasm, “It’s going to rain next Thursday!”

And he was usually right.

Juan’s weather reports almost exclusively involved the prediction of rain because that’s the only significant weather event in Southern California.

I always found it kind of funny and charming because I never asked for the weather. He’d just tell me.

Well, it rained this morning, but Juan wasn’t around last week to prognosticate the event. And it caught me somewhat by surprise.

Not the rain, but the fact Juan hadn’t been in my life to predict it. I missed it.

Well, besides nights, Juan also works Sunday mornings.

So when I saw him this morning in the men’s locker room, I greeted him with, “I miss your weather reports!”

The statement seemed to catch him by surprise and he started to laugh.

So I said, “It’s good to see you. How are you this morning?”

“Good,” he says, but continues to laugh, “Oh, Zero. You laughing me.”

Which makes me laugh. Not at the grammar mistake, but at the accuracy of the language and the humor of the situation.

Life is funny.

You laughing me, too, Juan. You laughing me, too.

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Xero shoes

xero-barefoot-running-shoes-zero-dean

At gym.

Finishing up in the locker room.

Friend sees me.

“Hey, where’d you get those shoes. Those are cool.”
“Online. They’re called Xero Shoes​. They’re for barefoot running.”

He looks closer, “Hey, someone might mistake those for women’s shoes.”

Smiling, “Take another look. They’re not even the same pair of shoes. Do I look like I’m concerned about being mistaken for wearing women’s shoes?”

For what it’s worth, this style of footwear was designed before “men’s” or “women’s” style shoes even existed. Back when they were just called shoes… Or something.

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