Good with computers

good-with-computers-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re approached by a woman who says, “Excuse me. I don’t mean to bother you, but you look like you’re good with computers…”

Because yeah, I am good with computers — but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to give off the kind of vibe that when a woman looks at me she thinks, “That guy right there! That guy looks really good with computers.”

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Originally published on: May 23, 2012 @ 13:32

"Do I whaaaaat?"

do-i-what-zero-dean

Walking out of Target on my way to my car. A woman calls to me from her car…

“Excuse me, sir. Do you work alone?”

I’m thinking, well that’s a weird question, ‘What?’ I reply.

“Do you work alone?”

Again I say, ‘What!?’, because I have no idea how to respond to a complete stranger asking that question.

I mean, is she asking me if I’m self employed? Is she hitting on me? Is she looking for work? Is this some kind of Las Vegas prostitute thing!?

“Do you work alone?”

Ok, clearly I’m not getting it, so I say, ‘Ok, are you saying, “Do I work alone?”‘

“No,” she laughs and looks at me like I’m slow, “Dooo. Yooou. Wearrrr. Cologne?”

Yup. That just happened.

What was she doing? She was giving out free samples of cologne and selling cheap knock offs from her car.

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Originally published on: Apr 9, 2013 @ 13:41

I had to be sure.

i-had-to-be-sure-zero-dean

I probably could have guessed that I could eat a whole box of ice cream sandwiches… But I had to be sure.

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Originally published on: Jul 4, 2012 @ 19:03

33 Minutes

33-minutes-zero-dean

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  • Goes to laundromat.
  • Puts clothes in front loading washer.
  • Puts in laundry detergent.
  • Puts in coins.
  • Notes that the wash will take 33 minutes.
  • Walks out to car.
  • Waits 33 minutes.
  • Walks back into laundromat.
  • Checks on laundry.
  • Never hit START.

BLAST YOU! PUNY MAN BRAIN!

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From the comments:

Duffy Gillman: “Clothes, you just sit right there and think about the washing you’re going to get!”

Originally published on: Nov 8, 2012 @ 13:56

Boss boy

boss-boy-zero-dean

I think the kid ringing me up at Target just now was confused. He kept calling me “Boss”.

“Need a bag, boss?”
“Nah. I’m good. But hey, my credit card hasn’t been swiping lately.”
“Just swipe it fast, boss.”

So anyway, when we were done, I told him he was doing a great job, that if he kept it up, he would go far in this business — and to close up his register & go help Nancy stock shelves in aisle 7.

Like a boss.

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Originally published on: Sep 30, 2013 @ 22:02

The little things

the-little-things-zero-dean

It’s the little things in life. …like atoms.

They just matter.

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its-the-little-things-v1a-tshirtPssst!

This comic is available on a t-shirt in my store!

All for naught

all-for-naught-zero-dean

Dammit. I looked good today and no one I actually wanted to see me saw me.

What a waste of a perfectly good EVERYTHING!

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From the comments:

Debbie: And the days I look like shit I see EVERYBODY I know.

Zero: I shaved. I have on a nice shirt. My clothes fit well. I feel good. My face isn’t overly annoying today. FOR NOTHING!

Invisible touch

invisible-touch-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re wearing shorts and you suddenly feel something crawling up your leg.

And you’re like, “Please don’t be a spider. Please don’t be a spider!”

And then you look.

And there’s nothing there.

And that’s almost scarier.

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