Holy jumper cables!

holy-jumper-cables-zero-dean

That awkward moment sitting in your car in the gym parking lot (drinking your pre-workout drink) and a woman comes up and asks you if you have jumper cables. And you do.

And she’s elated because she’s been walking around for 10 minutes asking people.

So you help jump start her car.

And when you are finished she thanks Jesus.

But doesn’t thank you.

O_o

Now listen, I’m always happy to help, but it feels a bit strange to do all the work and then someone else gets all the credit.

I should’ve told her that Jesus is the one who left her lights on.

I’m the guy who had the cables and jumpstarted her car.

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The lefty

the-lefty-zero-dean

At cafe.

One of the regulars and his wife walk in.

He sees me, smiling, “I see you’re a lefty today.”

No idea what he means, “What?”

“You parked your car in the other row today!”

Laughing, “You’re right!”

That awkward moment the former Mayor of the city not only knows what vehicle you drive, he knows where you typically park it.

O_O

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Xero shoes

xero-barefoot-running-shoes-zero-dean

At gym.

Finishing up in the locker room.

Friend sees me.

“Hey, where’d you get those shoes. Those are cool.”
“Online. They’re called Xero Shoes​. They’re for barefoot running.”

He looks closer, “Hey, someone might mistake those for women’s shoes.”

Smiling, “Take another look. They’re not even the same pair of shoes. Do I look like I’m concerned about being mistaken for wearing women’s shoes?”

For what it’s worth, this style of footwear was designed before “men’s” or “women’s” style shoes even existed. Back when they were just called shoes… Or something.

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The sticker

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This didn’t come easy.

My request for a sticker initiated a conversation amongst cashiers as to whether I deserved one or not.

Finally to be resolved when it was determined they had never heard me crying in the store.

“That’s true. I’ve never cried here.”

She then picked out a sticker and applied it.

I told her, “This is my first sticker here.”

She smiled, “It’s an honor.”

Yep. Just another ordinary trip to the grocery store.

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The jumpstarter

Sitting in car in strip mall parking lot.

Hear someone in the distance try to start their car, but it sounds like the battery is almost dead.

The car isn’t starting.

Pinpoint the direction of the noise.

Start my car. Drive in that direction.

See man in cowboy hat opening the hood of an old beat up pickup truck.

Pull in beside him. Roll window down.

“You need a jump?”

With a heavy Mexican accent, “I do. But I don’t have any cables.”

I pop my hood, smiling, “I do.”

I grab my cables. We hook them up.

He starts his car, then gets out and unhooks the cables.

Handing them to me, “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.”

Quick. Simple. Helpful.

Would do again.

Some days we help. Some days we get helped.

Be the person you wish would show up and help you when you could use a hand by being the person who helps someone else when they could use a hand.

We’re all in this together.

Lead by example.

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The Asian barber

the-asian-barber-zero-dean

That awkward moment you get your hair cut by an old Asian man with thick glasses who barely speaks English…

And as he cuts your hair, he keeps saying…

“Thank you.” *snip* *snip* “Thank you.” *snip* *snip*

And that’s cool, but we were not talking.

I bet he thought he could sell my hair fragments for more than I paid him to cut it.

Good lord, that’s ingenious!

No wonder he was thanking me.

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Originally published on: Sep 9, 2011 @ 13:16

The apple eater

the-apple-eater-zero-dean

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That awkward moment the female student sitting next to you at the computer bar at the cafe you’re in licks the entire outside of her Granny Smith apple before engaging in the actual process of eating it…

And she catches you catching her doing it…

And just sort of gives you a “What?” look.

I admire her confidence, but not her apple eating technique.

*Ewww.

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Juan gets lunch

juan-gets-lunch-zero-dean

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My friend, Juan — the facilities supervisor at my gym — is originally from Mexico.

Juan doesn’t always speak the best English.

This is how he just described going home for lunch:

“I go to make my stomach and my mind happy.”

And while I did just say his English isn’t always perfect, this isn’t one of those times.

What a wonderful way to look at eating.

Now excuse me while I, too, go to make my stomach and my mind happy.

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From the comments:

Mauro: The Spanish saying which your friend Juan loosely translated into English is, “¡Barriga llena, corazón contento!” — When your belly is full your heart is also happy!

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Discount groceries

That awkward moment at Frazier Farms when you’re chatting with the cashier who’s ringing up your order and she suddenly stops and says, laughing, “Oh my god! I just gave you an employee discount!”

And the other employees, including the on-duty manager, just look over and smile.

Yup. They know of me here, I think. Not what I do. Just my reputation for being funny & friendly.

At least I hope it’s that and not actually the fact I shop here so much. ;)

frazier-farms-employee-discount-zero-dean

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The hotspot

In cafe. On laptop.

Older woman sits down at a table near me.

“You have a hotspot.”
“What?”
“You have a hotspot.”
“Ok.”

I have no idea why she says I have a “hotspot” or if she actually knows what she’s talking about.

She continues, “You must travel a lot.”
“Sometimes.”
“Not every place offers WIFI.”
“That’s true.”
“How much do you pay?”
“For what?”
“Your hotspot.”

At this point I don’t have the heart to tell her that I don’t have a “hotspot”.

I don’t have a USB modem. And while I can use my phone to create a WIFI hotspot, I’m not doing that. I’m using the cafe WIFI.

“35 dollars.” (that’s how much I pay for my phone service)
“That’s a good price.”

That awkward moment you kind of lie to an old lady because you don’t want to disappoint her with your lack of having the hotspot she insisted you had.

5 minutes later…

*In other news, she just pulled out an iPhone 6s.

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