The sticker


This didn’t come easy.

My request for a sticker initiated a conversation amongst cashiers as to whether I deserved one or not.

Finally to be resolved when it was determined they had never heard me crying in the store.

“That’s true. I’ve never cried here.”

She then picked out a sticker and applied it.

I told her, “This is my first sticker here.”

She smiled, “It’s an honor.”

Yep. Just another ordinary trip to the grocery store.

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The cafe mug


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In cafe.

Go up to the cafe counter to purchase coffee. The cashier hands me a mug. The general manager sees it and goes, “A mug? You never use a mug!”

“I know. I forgot my travel mug in my car.”

Manager turns to the cashier, “Just give it to him.”

“Hey, I can just go get my mug.”

“No, no. I want to see what happens.”

And I’m thinking, “What’s going to happen?” O_o

Well, I’ll tell you what happens…

I’m going to drink complimentary coffee out of the mug they gave me… and make all my dreams come true. And maybe go up for a second or third cup when I’m finished.

And hope nothing too crazy happens.

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The Asian barber


That awkward moment you get your hair cut by an old Asian man with thick glasses who barely speaks English…

And as he cuts your hair, he keeps saying…

“Thank you.” *snip* *snip* “Thank you.” *snip* *snip*

And that’s cool, but we were not talking.

I bet he thought he could sell my hair fragments for more than I paid him to cut it.

Good lord, that’s ingenious!

No wonder he was thanking me.

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Originally published on: Sep 9, 2011 @ 13:16

Juan gets lunch


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My friend, Juan — the facilities supervisor at my gym — is originally from Mexico.

Juan doesn’t always speak the best English.

This is how he just described going home for lunch:

“I go to make my stomach and my mind happy.”

And while I did just say his English isn’t always perfect, this isn’t one of those times.

What a wonderful way to look at eating.

Now excuse me while I, too, go to make my stomach and my mind happy.

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From the comments:

Mauro: The Spanish saying which your friend Juan loosely translated into English is, “¡Barriga llena, corazón contento!” — When your belly is full your heart is also happy!



The hotspot

In cafe. On laptop.

Older woman sits down at a table near me.

“You have a hotspot.”
“You have a hotspot.”

I have no idea why she says I have a “hotspot” or if she actually knows what she’s talking about.

She continues, “You must travel a lot.”
“Not every place offers WIFI.”
“That’s true.”
“How much do you pay?”
“For what?”
“Your hotspot.”

At this point I don’t have the heart to tell her that I don’t have a “hotspot”.

I don’t have a USB modem. And while I can use my phone to create a WIFI hotspot, I’m not doing that. I’m using the cafe WIFI.

“35 dollars.” (that’s how much I pay for my phone service)
“That’s a good price.”

That awkward moment you kind of lie to an old lady because you don’t want to disappoint her with your lack of having the hotspot she insisted you had.

5 minutes later…

*In other news, she just pulled out an iPhone 6s.

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My stepladder


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That awkward moment the facilities supervisor at the gym laughs at you when you try to convince him that the small stepladder next to the Lost & Found box is actually yours.

“Hey! My stepladder!”
Smiling, “No, I work out with this!”
“I brought this from home. I do exercises on it!”

He just continued to laugh and wouldn’t give me my stepladder.

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Boss boy


I think the kid ringing me up at Target just now was confused. He kept calling me “Boss”.

“Need a bag, boss?”
“Nah. I’m good. But hey, my credit card hasn’t been swiping lately.”
“Just swipe it fast, boss.”

So anyway, when we were done, I told him he was doing a great job, that if he kept it up, he would go far in this business — and to close up his register & go help Nancy stock shelves in aisle 7.

Like a boss.

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Originally published on: Sep 30, 2013 @ 22:02


My friend Dave is an older fellow.

When I first met him at the gym, he said, “My friends used to call me ‘Red’, but…” and then, with a grin spreading across his face, he pointed at his bushy white hair.

Well, it’s been a few months since I first met Dave.

But now every time I see him he says, “There he is!”

And I always smile because I find it funny.

Because, see, I know Dave’s eyesight isn’t too good (it isn’t good at all)…

And, to me, it’s almost as if every time Dave spots me, he’s actually spent the last 10 minutes in a game of hide & seek looking for me.

And then he seems so happy when he finally discovers where I am.

“There he is!”

Yep. Here I am, Dave. You got me! Play again tomorrow?

Yup, I like Dave.

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Perks of being a grown-up

At Sprouts. Get to the checkout. Cashier doesn’t see me.

Very stealthily roll my drink down the conveyor belt where it gets to the end, but the belt keeps moving and my drink keeps rolling.

Cashier finally notices, “Hey! Are you playing with my conveyor belt!?”

“Yesss!”, I smile, “Because *I* am an adult and no one can tell me not to!”

She laughs.

“Well, I mean except you.”

She laughs again.

“But you can’t ground me if I don’t listen!”

Laughing intensifies.

Yeah, it’s good to be a grown-up.

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