It would be a lot easier for me to find you if you would simply stay where I think I put you rather than wander off to some other location.
Stop doing that.
Dear energy drink + pain reliever,
I am ready for your magic potion like qualities to take effect.
I love you.
I’ve always wondered, do you have a last name, or do you just go by Diary?
I don’t have any other friends named Diary. Although I do have one friend named Duffy, and that’s kind of close. I mean, it starts with a D.
There should be an on/off switch for all senses, not just for eyesight.
At least give me a regulator…
Just walked by the perfume counter at the mall?
Dial down your sense of smell.
Added too much hot sauce to your chimichanga?
Dial down your taste buds.
Kids making a racket?
Dial it down.
Think about it.
I would like to have more control over which parts of my skin real estate you decide to tan.
I feel like I have an involuntary tan where you have decided my driver’s side arm needed more coloring than my right… Or my face, for example.
And that’s not quite right.
Now, I don’t mind being a little different. Heck, that’s kind of my thing…
But if we could just evenly distribute my tan, maybe I wouldn’t look like an action figure with one limb from another action figure.