Banana peels…

banana-peels-zero-dean

Confession of the day:

As a child, I used to think that slipping on banana peels was going to be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be.

* When I saw this banana peel in the gym parking lot, it immediately reminded me of a similarly themed meme involving quicksand. So yes, it is totally inspired by that — but also prompted by a real-life encounter with a banana peel. :)

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Originally published on: Aug 10, 2013 @ 06:30

Risks of the job

risks-of-the-job-zero-dean

Confession of the day:

Every time someone says “Let me grab my manager for you.” I picture them going into the back room and doing something they could get fired for.

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Vik: Management through inappropriate acts – Chapter 1 “The Manager Grab”

Zero: …I suppose the alternative is you could ask someone to grab their manager, and when they get their manager, you can say, “That’s not what I meant.” And then they show YOU the exit.

Candie: Innocent-looking employee quietly approaches manager, gently cradles a buttock, and walks to their locker to gather their belongings.

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Originally published on: May 28, 2014 @ 16:29

Being human (a little)

Confession of the day:

I sometimes write about the fact that not everyone you cross paths with in life will like you

But it doesn’t mean it still doesn’t bug me (a little) when I discover someone who doesn’t. Or I write something that inadvertently offends someone.

Because it does (a little).

It doesn’t ruin my day, but it does give me something to pause and consider.

But I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.

Well, unless you think it’s a bad thing. In which, OMG, I’M SORRY! Please don’t unfriend me! ;)

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Stunning

stunning-zero-dean

Confession of the day:

When people refer to things as “stunning” and I am not stunned by those things, it makes me feel powerful because I am obviously immune to being stunned by things that are stunning.

“What a stunning photo!”
“Ha! I don’t feel anything! I’m unstoppable! MUAHAHAHA!”

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Themes:

Adulthood

adulthood-zero-dean

Confession of the day:

Sometimes I feel like the “Grown up police” are going come along and revoke my status as an “adult”.

“I’m sorry, sir. You were caught pretending to be a Velociraptor and making weird dinosaur noises while shopping in the aisles of Albertsons. There did not appear to be any children around. We regret to inform you that Your adult status is being revoked. You will no longer be able to drive cars, stay up late, or buy as much candy as you desire any time you want.”

Aaaah! What a horrifying thought!

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The molecular chemist

the-molecular-chemist-zero-dean

Confession of the day:

I’m no scientist, but this morning I discovered that it’s possible to bond a spider to a gym towel at a molecular level.

I’m sorry, spider. You scared the bejeezus out of me and I freaking panicked.

*Douglas Adams was right, though. A wise traveler always has their trusty towel handy.

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RE: Douglas Adams – Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – towel

“A towel… is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.” — Douglas Adams

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