The math problem

That awkward moment when the manager ringing up your lunch order says,

“There’s a math problem on your receipt. Look for it.”

Some say, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”, but I’m here to tell you that they don’t know what they’re talking about.

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The hotspot

In cafe. On laptop.

Older woman sits down at a table near me.

“You have a hotspot.”
“What?”
“You have a hotspot.”
“Ok.”

I have no idea why she says I have a “hotspot” or if she actually knows what she’s talking about.

She continues, “You must travel a lot.”
“Sometimes.”
“Not every place offers WIFI.”
“That’s true.”
“How much do you pay?”
“For what?”
“Your hotspot.”

At this point I don’t have the heart to tell her that I don’t have a “hotspot”.

I don’t have a USB modem. And while I can use my phone to create a WIFI hotspot, I’m not doing that. I’m using the cafe WIFI.

“35 dollars.” (that’s how much I pay for my phone service)
“That’s a good price.”

That awkward moment you kind of lie to an old lady because you don’t want to disappoint her with your lack of having the hotspot she insisted you had.

5 minutes later…

*In other news, she just pulled out an iPhone 6s.

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Valued guest

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When the General Manager of the cafe you frequent gives you an employee discount because:

“You’re here so much you’re practically an employee anyway.”

:)

If that’s the case, I wouldn’t mind a raise, but I don’t want to push my luck. ;)

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Forgiveness

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That awkward moment you discover that you accidentally butt-dialed one of the managers at the cafe you frequent…

…because he walks up and apologizes for not calling you back.

I told him I’d forgive him for not calling me back if he’d forgive me for butt-dialing him.

“Deal!”

And that is how the delicate balance to the universe was restored today.

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A clear and present desire

In cafe.

One of the employees just got off work and walks by on his way out. Looks at my screen. I have an art-piece-in-progress up.

“Whooooa!” He says, coming to a stop. “Did you make that?”

“Yep. I’m still working on it though.”

Speaking slowly, “I need that in my life.”

Best.compliment.ever.

:)

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Cafe coordination

Stroll up to cafe entrance. Laptop bag over my shoulder.

Casually — and only half looking — I swipe my hand out to grab the door handle.

And miss.

Thinking nothing of it, I swipe for the door handle again.

Miss.

I reach out and swipe for the door handle a third time.

Miss.

That’s when the guy standing on the other side of the door — that I don’t see, but who has been watching me — pushes it open, smiling, “It happens, bro.”

“THREE times, man!” I say laughing, “Three times!”

He laughs, “Been there.”

Oh good, I’m back to my normal self. :)

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I brake for milkshakes.

i-brake-for-milkshakes-zero-dean

In cafe.

One of the staff is sweeping near me, “You want a cinnamon bun?”

“600 calories!? No way.”
“Not if you split it 3 ways.”
“Whaaat? I’m not sharing my cinnamon bun with anyone!”

He laughs, “Hey, I’m almost out of here. You know, it’s funny, it got busy when you came in and it’s stayed busy.”

“That’s because my milkshake brings all the customers to the yard.”

*laughing intensifies*

But really, it’s the weather. Because if I actually had a milkshake, it would be gone already. Screw what I said about calories. We’re talking about sweet, delicious milkshakes here.

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RE: Kelis — Milkshake (video)

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