Open ended

open-ended-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re browsing your old blog posts and come across a parenthesis you forgot to close.

And now that you’ve fixed it, you feel like things are right again in the world and you are now finally rid of that weird feeling you’ve had since that post went up — in March 2013! O_O

That is a really long time to feel like you’ve forgotten to do something. (Thank goodness it’s over.

I’m so relieved. I think I’ll sleep well tonight.

Wait… I’m having it again. O_o

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Originally published on: Oct 21, 2013 @ 20:35

Like literally

like-literally-zero-dean

That awkward moment you are, like, literally, like, sitting in a cafe near a girl who is, like, literally, like talking to her friend and, like, literally, like, using the words literally and like, like, literally every few words.

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Originally published on: Nov 11, 2014 @ 16:33

Output outlook downgraded

output-outlook-downgraded-zero-dean

That awkward moment you realize that pretty much nothing significant is going to get done by you today.

Fine. I’ll just be twice as productive tomorrow.

Riiiiight.

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Originally published on: Dec 11, 2014 @ 14:36

Random moaning guy

random-moaning-guy-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re listening to a lecture on quantum physics – while doing cardio at the gym – and the guy on the elliptical next to you keeps moaning randomly.

Or not randomly! What if my entire existence revolves around the sole expression of this man’s moans!? What if I am meant to take away something deeply meaningful from these fleeting few moments!?

Naaaaaah.

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Originally published on: Feb 19, 2011 @ 09:15

Denial

denial-zero-dean

That awkward moment you’re about to write a post about how the music currently playing in the cafe you’re in sounds like something out of a porno…

But then you come to your senses and realize you’ve never ever ever EVER seen a porno in your entire life and you have absolutely no idea or frame of reference at all as to what porn soundtracks may or may not sound like and people definitely shouldn’t judge you for wanting to make a joke about it.

I know nothing. I deny everything!

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Originally published on: Nov 15, 2014 @ 15:40

Buff cats

buff-cats-zero-dean

That awkward moment you find cat hairs on the floor of the gym…

This leads me to a single logical conclusion:

Cats are sneaking into the gym at night and secretly training to take over the world.

Owners of buff cats beware! Once Fluffy gets ripped, she’ll be unstoppable!

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From the comments:

Melanie: I knew it.

Malq: I just showed this to my cats. They put their sunglasses on and slowly walked away with out a meow.

Kim:
sunglasses-cats

Malq: Exactly Kim be afraid

Melanie:
our-plan-is-coming-together

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Originally published on: Oct 19, 2014 @ 10:41

Amazon prime

amazon-prime-zero-dean

That awkward moment you can’t help but feel a little disappointed that the amazon.com package you didn’t order doesn’t arrive two days after you didn’t order it.

*Note to self:

You can put as many things in your shopping cart as you want, but if you don’t actually buy them, there’s a good chance they won’t arrive.

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