Faux alarm

faux-alarm-zero-dean

That awkward moment when you think you see someone you don’t want to see —

but it only turns out to be their doppelganger.

And then you feel a weird sense of disappointment because you went through the whole awkward emergency emotional response —

for nothing. O_o

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Originally published on: Dec 22, 2013 @ 14:09

Exception

exception-zero-dean

When I have a family, I’m thinking about naming one of my children Exception.

That way I can have fun conversations like…

“Hey, did you hear about the new park opening up?”
“New park, eh? I think I’ll take Exception to that!”
“Why, are you offended?”
“No, no. Exception is my son.”
“WHY would you name your child Exce–”

Anyway, you get the idea.

Good times.

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Originally published on: Sep 27, 2013 @ 09:05

Fear News Network

fear-news-network-zero-dean

I think network news should be called, “What we think you should worry about next.”

I only see bits and pieces of it while it’s on the monitors at the gym, but it’s almost always the same predominant message…

Be afraid.

Eff that.

There are so many amazing and beautiful things going on in the world. Those things are inspiring and motivating.

More of that, please.

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Of course, I want to be informed and know what’s going on in the world. But the non stop fear cycle is tiring. And so much news nowadays is just biased spin now.

I realize we are responsible for what we watch, but I can’t help but think the world might be less afraid if we weren’t constantly barraged with fear messages.

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Originally published on: Jun 1, 2013 @ 10:58

First!

first-zero-dean

Whenever I’m standing somewhere and people ask me if I’m in line, I always say “yes, I’m in line” even if I’m not in line for whatever they’re probably in line for.

I do this just in case they’re about to start a line for something I could potentially be in line for. Because, frankly, I could potentially be in line for a lot of things and I want to make absolutely sure that whatever those potential things might be, I’m the first one in line for them.

*Free money, free pandas, free sword fighting lessons, free movie tickets, free burritos, free guacamole, free anti-gravity boots…

Stuff like that. It’s a pretty extensive list.

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Originally published on: Dec 10, 2014 @ 14:01

I have no recollection of that

i-have-no-recollection-of-that-zero-dean

That awkward infinite brain loop that happens when you start thinking about all the things you may have forgotten in your life, but you can’t remember them because you can’t remember them. O_o

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Originally published on: Aug 24, 2013 @ 16:13

Passive aggressive notes

passive-aggressive-notes-zero-dean

I think passive aggressive notes written in invisible ink would be like the most passive aggressive notes possible.

“How come you don’t take my notes seriously?”
“What notes?”
“The ones I keep leaving you!”
“The post-it notes you keep leaving around the house? They’re blank.”
“No, they’re not blank, genius! They’re written in invisible ink.”
“Well what do they say?”
“Don’t act like you don’t know.”
“But I don’t know!”
“Well you should!”

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Originally published on: Oct 19, 2014 @ 14:22

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